Number one I’d like to say that I love and cherish the kindness of my God. I walk, or more likely drift, away from where I know is close to HIM and HIS presence and HE is so gentle to point the way back. I’m not right most of the time and I know I’m never perfect but HE is so so very good to me! HIS ways are not my ways so I might not understand but I will do my best to trust HIM, eh.
This season, financially, with Justin gone a lot, and the like is difficult at times but something else that has occured since we’ve been here is that I feel so distant from church and involvement in church . . . something I love to do but everytime I think I have well-layed plans that are going to shoot me right back into the mix of church life, it falls apart.
Frustrating but eye opening into that God is into more than just what we DO, but also who we ARE. Our souls and the deep state of our being . . . HE is the only one that knows me thoroughly. I don’t even understand myself the way HE understands me.
And, get this, HE still loves me . . . HE still is being patient with me . . . which I can’t even begin to explain my gratefulness for; that amazing long-suffering that HE’s displayed for me and to me.
Something else that has hit me is that I don’t wanna do the works if the character of my God isn’t shining through in every aspect. Whats the point if people aren’t changed . . . if they don’t become closer to God? So I can look good? . . . to whom?
I love this passage in ‘Utmost For His Highest’ . . . I think I’ve used it here before, I don’t care. It speaks to me so deeply. Please take the time to read it and digest it . . . and get the book by Oswald Chambers, if you haven’t.
Its called ‘Getting Into God’s Stride’ . . . what was I saying about walking close to God?
The test of a man’s religious life and character is not what he does in the exceptional moments of life (note from me: not that we won’t DO those exceptional things), but what he does in the ordinary times, when there is nothing tremendous or exciting on. The worth of a man is revealed in his attitude to ordinary things when he is not before the footlights (cf. John 1:36). It is a painful business to get through in to the stride of God, it means getting your second wind spiritually. In learning to walk with God there is always the only characteristic that manifests itself is the life of God. The individual man is lost sight of in his personal unions with God, and the stride and the power of God alone are manifested.
It is difficult to get into stride with God, because when we start walking with Him we find HE has outstripped us before we have taken three steps. He has different ways of doing things, and we have to be trained and disciplened into His ways. It was said of Jesus – “He shall not fail nor be discouraged,” because He never worked from His own individual standpoint but always from the standpoint of His Father, and we have to learn to do the same. Spiritual truth is learned by atmosphere, not by intellectual reasoning. God’s Spirit alters the atmosphere of our way of looking at the tings, and things begin to be possible which never were possible before. Getting into the stride of God means nothing less than union with Himself. It takes a long time to get there, but keep at it. Don’t give in because the pain is bad just now, get onwith it, and before long you will find you have a new vision and a new purpose.
So I am completely and utterly guilty of giving in when the pain of discipline sets in. Instead of pushing through and finding new purpose and vision . . . I relent and decide it will never be different than what I’m experiencing at this very moment. I am wrong and I believe I’ve sinned.
Is it confession time?
But maybe you’ve done and feel the same way.
I’m not out doing the party scene . . . doing anything outwardly sinful that people gawk at and try to intervene on my behalf.
No, I’m talking about obedience to God and that deep thought life that no one sees . . . well, maybe they do see it . . . my family that is . . . when my temper flares because I’m not awash in the grace of my God. Or when I get my panties in wad due to not counseling with God over my offenses instead of getting bitter and hateful. Its called forgiveness . . . but it takes God’s grace and strength . . . heck, HIS peace, love and kindness to forgive offenses of all sizes . . . when there’s not redeeming qualities about the offending circumstance or person.
In short, which this post is not, I NEED Jesus . . . in my life, in my heart and close by my side at all times. I have seen what I’m like with HIM close and I’ve seen what I’m like without HIS covering and hand in mine . . . I know where I wanna be. Deep calls to deep. I lack greatly without my God. If I have to push through a dry season (for lack of a better statement) of learning and discipline . . . so be it.
Warning: Switch in Subjects
So, I was gonna write this here lovely post about wrapping presents last night. The first batch (though small) that I will, I imagine, do this holiday season. Obviously I got side tracked.
After going to the store and buying wrapping paper, ribbon and bows . . . all color coordinating, of course . . . I come home around 10pm . . . wrap the presents (all 5 of them 🙂 ). I’m done cleaning up by 11:15 or so and then Justin wants to watch a movie . . . and he was excited about this movie, let me tell you . . . so I agreed.
Yeah . . . I fell asleep at 2am, folks. Mother Tucker does NOT due well on little sleep. 5 hours . . . which to Justin is a full night . . . that is half a night to me. 🙂
So nap, I did, when the boys went down. The boys are still sleeping . . . apparently I wasn’t the only tired one today.
Justin also has evaluations at the fire station today . . . he’s giving them and getting them. Fun *sarcasm*. And he has shift tomorrow and on Saturday. He has tests Thursday.
Yeah, the week did NOT slow down like I thought it would. But he said after Thursday there just isn’t any pressure and I’m sure we’ll go hang with him Saturday for dinner . . . maybe. 🙂
So Sunday might end up being Christmas tree day. Seems like its getting so very close to Christmas. I had to physically show Justin how close we actually were. Barely over two weeks!! Aack! I need a tree. NEED, I tell you! 😉
Also, there is SO much junk stuff you can buy for the holidays. Some stuff is super cute . . . other stuff is just, well, crap.
We were on our walk/jog yesterday and we passed a house with a giant blow up Tigger (from Winnie the Pooh . . . which Samuel loves) with his Santa hat on, etc. Anyhow, Samuel thought that giant 10′ Tigger should be coming home with us and cried and whined for quite some time about Tigger. I think that might be something we can get him, what do you think? Not a 10′ one . . . just a stuffed animal one.
Well . . . this post is looooooooong.
Have a great day! And a great week!