Category Archives: God

Choice

We only realize the power of the moral law when it comes with an “if.” God never coerces us. In one mood we wish He would make us do the thing, and in another mood we wish He would leave us alone. Whenever God’s will is in the ascendant, all compulsion is gone. When we choose deliberately to obey Him, then He will tax the remotest star and the last grain of sand to assist us with all His almighty power.

~Oswald Chambers

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Set a Date

We had tentatively been throwing June 25th out there as our move date. It has, more or less, officially changed. We are now planning on pulling out June 15th. That, my friends, is exactly 2 weeks from now!!  And I thought 3 weeks was freakin’ me out!

Anyway.

Storage unit is to be secured, since we aren’t moving the bulk of our stuff down until Justin joins me near the end of the summer (God willing). Then pack, pack, pack . . . clean, clean, clean.

My last day of school is June 5th, then each day is devoted to very little else, but packing. 🙂

Never know what God has in store. It feels discombobulated at times and I feel like one of the those race horses  with blinders to keep from seeing anything peripherally. Frustrating but it’s demanded of us, in these times, to trust God and keep walking towards HIM. Can’t go wrong with God! His peace has been all over this decision since the moment we recognized it . . . now, to just not freak out at the loose ends, that seem should be attached to something but they’re not; just dangling, but I know my God has it all under control . . . all those loose ends are in HIS hands.

God brings death and God brings life, brings down to the grave and raises up. God brings poverty and God brings wealth; he lowers, he also lifts up. He puts poor people on their feet again; he rekindles burned-out lives with fresh hope, Restoring dignity and respect to their lives— a place in the sun! For the very structures of earth are God’s; he has laid out his operations on a firm foundation. He protectively cares for his faithful friends, step by step, but leaves the wicked to stumble in the dark. No one makes it in this life by sheer muscle!  1 Samuel 2:6-9

We like the mirage that we see, through the desert or our life . . . the mirage that we actually control of the fate of our lives. Honestly, you do the best you can with what is given to you and the rest is completely up to God. I have felt I deserved some bad repercussions in life, and there are times I’m distinctly aware that I do not deserve what I have and know God is the one to thank.

I choose, through this messy transition of life, to just rest in God, do what needs to be done to the best of my ability, and trust God . . . not my husband, not myself, not my friends or family . . . I know where my help comes from . . . God alone.

God, have your way and will in mine, and my family’s, life!

 

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May is Nearly OVER!

What?! Why didn’t anyone tell me? Holy crap!

Justin’s birthday is in 3 days . . . 3 DAYS! Mine is Thursday . . . I think . . . I haven’t been staring at a calendar today.

Most of all, we move in one month . . . like, 30 days! My panic button goes off around 2 – 4 AM and I ponder on all the packing and crap I have to get done before we move, for about 15 minutes, and then I wake up in the daylight and methodically go throughout my day. Today, because I don’t work, I have packed multiple boxes (thank you for the  boxes, Michaelle!) and paced my home, mentally making lists . . . which will work into written lists . . . which will then be misplaced and/or thrown away and then I’ll have to make another, more compiled list, then I will ignore it, it will also get forgotten . . . then Justin will get involved and have it all done (with my help, of course) in two days. The man is a think-on-his-feet packer extraordinaire! I have moved exactly 3 times with this man and I’m always impressed with his ability to pack and clean and paint the home we’re leaving. Yes, he fills holes and paints. We have always gotten our deposit back.

God is absolutely blowing me out of the water with HIS blessings . . . things are pulling together in a way that only God can do and coordinate . . . there is no doubt who gets the glory on this one! He has something for us down there and I’m excited to be serving HIM and walking with Him! Justin had a job interview for a very coveted position and it went very very well . . . we’ll hear back next Friday, so pray for us if you think of us!  I have been applying to RRISD and RHS and I’m hoping to hear back soon on those. God’s timing on it. I’m set up for Austin Community College . . . I’ll finalize enrollment and stuff when I get down there NEXT MONTH! :O

If I’ve learned anything in this life, its that we don’t deserve what we get . . . humble yourself to God, trust HIM and HE will see you through . . . in the valleys of life is where we grow up as we walk and trust HIM.

Philippians 4:7 MSG

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

. . . well said, Holy Bible!

🙂

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Just My Randomness

Tobias. He is my first born.

The first child has a unique situation.  They are “only” children for a period of time, then a sibling, and then often a caretaker for the other siblings.   Because first borns are so important to how the family unit functions, they become accustomed to being the center of attention.  They tend to revel in the praise and attention they receive from parents before the other children arrive.   This does, however, cause a slight problem when a second child arrives and begins to steal the attention away from the first born.  They may feel unloved or rejected because the parents had another child.   Because of this, sometimes the first born will misbehave to receive attention, although some first borns choose to opt in the other direction- first borns will try to point out what makes them better, more interesting, smarter, etc., than the other children, in order to gain attention.  

The other children of the family usually look up to the first born as the natural leader.  Second, or middle children especially look to the first born for direction and guidance when they are out of it themselves.   Consequently, first borns often believe that they should gain and hold superiority over the other children.  They love to be right and hate to be contradicted.   Oldest children may show off their knowledge or abilities to other children or adults in order to gain appreciation, love and respect.  They are competent at an early age and may be responsible beyond their years.   In some cases, this causes the first born to grow up too quickly, which may affect them throughout their lives to come. 

Eldest children are usually socially dominant.  They are very driven and extremely conscientious.   Unfortunately, they may be less open to new ideas, prone to perfectionism and long to please people, which may be a result of losing both parents’ undivided attention at an early age.   To make up for this, first borns often work throughout their lives to regain their parents’ attention.   

When first borns do not achieve their goals, they often suffer from extreme guilt.  They feel as though they’ve failed themselves, their parents, and those around them.   They feel a loss of love from others when they’ve failed, whether or not that loss is actually there.  They also have a strong sense of justice which contributes to their feeling of guilt- they think that people should get what they deserve.   This makes it that much harder to convince a first born that failing at a project does not make them a bad person. 

Whether or not your child grows up with all of these personality traits, chances are good that they will retain some of them.   In order to protect your first born from some of the negative aspects of that birth order type, try not to ignore your first born once you’ve had another child.  Encourage your child to succeed, but don’t push them to hard.   Don’t give your first born too many responsibilities at a young age.  Remember that they are still just children and should still be treated as such! ~Found Here

“Tobias, you do not rule the world, yet,” I point out regularly. Everything from the music that’s playing to where we should turn while we’re driving . . . to bossing his brother around too much to what’s for dinner. I’m not very tolerant of it but understand in the same light. I have an older sister, the eldest. I get it. 🙂

Speaking of. Tob has decided that “dance music” is the best! Dance music consists of Daft Punk (the new Tron movie) and other related music. Deadmau5 is favorite of his. Thankfully there are no words, just hyped up industrial/techno style music. Unfortunately it is both energizing and tiring, in the same half an hour of listening. There is, in his mind, no other kind of music to love. I hope this passes. Daft Punk

So, thanks Pandora, for making this available at any moment in time. . . (slight sarcasm)

Samuel is the oldest kid in his preschool. His birthday is September 12 . . .  2 days after the cutoff for the public school system. I attempted many a phone call to get him into kindergarten but finally relented after reading an article (which I can’t find) stating it was better for boys to wait the extra year, than to start a tad early, with all the backup arguments, etc.  So he is getting another year of preschool. He gets bored with it but he will do so well kindergarten.

Sam has all but beat Sonic Colors for the Wii. Thank you, Granny, for sending that our way. 🙂

I’m learning to set limits on video games, since that is relatively new thing the kids are into. There are days that I know he plays waaaay too much; normally on vacation days and weekends. Between Daft Punk and Sonic Colors, I may end up in a prolonged seizure.

I’ve been painting like a mad man . . . or woman, whichever. I’ve painted some stuff I hate . . . and one or two that I really love. My walls are running out of space. Anyone want a  painting? 🙂 Here’s a couple that I found ‘hang-worthy’ . . .

This is one is my Mom’s. For her red bedroom. 🙂 I did a few clean ups on it since I took this photo. I’m liking it alright.

 This is one of my favorites. I want to take a course in painting. I know I’m still really really rough. Just remember I’ve only done a half dozen canvases. 🙂
This is one I wish I would’ve done on canvas . . . it’s on watercolor paper.
I just finished this purple on. I’ll probably go over and do little stuff to it but I’m really liking the colors. . .
That’s all. I tried my hand at a Koi, it turned alright . . . definitely one to practice and do on canvas eventually. I tried a butterfly wing. That was interesting and turned out like a kid might’ve been the artist. 🙂 One to play with though.
That’s a really vague update on us. Life keeps going. I’m learning to be grateful and content in the moment and shrug off resentment and bitterness. I really like getting my way but sometimes stuff just doesn’t turn out our way . . . trusting God to move us towards what He has for us.
Hope everyone had a blessed Thanksgiving! Time for Christmas! We go get our tree next weekend! Yay! Wow, that’s a lot of exclamation points. 🙂
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Going On Ten Years

There is something about going on ten years of marriage that makes me feel, deep inside, that I’ve earned some kind of right to have an opinion about marriage in general. My marriage, your marriage, everyone’s marriage.

Don’t get me wrong, I attempt not to judge.

But what gets me is the cutesie lines and attitudes surrounding marriage . . . especially that gooey stuff that oozes from newlyweds and the soon-to-be-married crowd.

I know what you’re thinking . . .,”Ope, she’s becoming a cynic.”

But I’m not . . . I choose to call myself a realist. 🙂

To think each day is going to be wedded bliss is a myth, based in complete fantasy. There are days that I would like to do nothing more than strangle the man beside me. There are little and big things that bug me to no end and, when they happen, I feel the nails-on-chalk board effect. Depending on my horomonal state, sometimes it’s more pronounce than other times. 🙂

Hello . . . is that hard to call me back when you’re at work? I think not! 🙂 I shall then pop my knuckles in your presence, which I’m fully aware drives you nuts. I love you that much.

But, what I’ve learned, is that you hang in, you keep forgiving and those moments of murderous intent pass and you come to a better place . . . a stronger place. Somehow, learning to love your partner through the poop actually makes you love him more. Even if the poop was something of his making.

Ok, a little stinky around here . . .

I recently became a member of Pinterest. It is a treasure trove; a collection of creative and witty ideas and saying and photos and art and stuff. It’s also a trove of interesting ideas and people’s weirdness, collected for the world to view. I love it.

To get this out of the way . . . Hi, my name is MotherTucker and I am weird. I do not doubt this character trait in myself. I also like to lose myself in the fantasy that life is grand and always will be. But I know where reality lies and I am grounded there.

I was going to go into an elaborate example of sayings that made me want to puke in my shoe, via pinterest and other avenues. Such as the “fun wife” one that keeps floating around, with the nerf gun and the note to the hubby that just came home. Yeah, I can’t find it, ok. Something about being the “fun wife” just annoys me. Like being your kid’s “best friend”, or the “cool mom”. All annoy me. I see marriage as a job, as much as it is a romance. Be punctual, be on task and never take it for granted; the paychecks will keep coming.

Some of the ones I have found on Pinterest are so great! Shmooshy, but great! 🙂

Three of my favorite sayings thus far.

I have been absolutely blessed with a great guy. One that takes care of my feelings and cares what I think. I know not everyone is as lucky. If ten years has gone by and I feel more admiration than annoyance . . . for me, that is great! I can claim I’m still in love with the man I walk hand in hand with . . . not bad, I’m tellin’ ya.

I like the reality of our relationship more than the fantasy I had when we first hooked up. Truly I do. It is real, not a bunch of hot air. There is substance and true support. No empty promises, but honest intention; with no need to impress.

My prayer is, our relationship just grows stronger, deeper and more real with the decades that pass. Thankful God has blessed us so much thus far!!

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Didn’t Sound Bad

I haven’t had a cavity filled since I was, like, 10 years old or so. I forgot how crappy it was. Glad to be able to have the proper dental work done (finally have insurance) but I like the after, not the during. Drills: the noise alone freaks me out, though I lay perfectly still my whole body is rigid with anticipation for the shock of nerve endings being prodded. Which didn’t happen but, still, the anticipation for over an hour is nearly as bad.

Speaking of nerve endings . . . whilst getting the shot to numb half my face, the dentist hit a nerve that shot shock waves through the front of my gum and down into my lips. I winced bad on that one . . . he apologized but said that does numb faster when he manages to get that close the nerves. That was the most painful thing that happened during the whole thing . . . the rest of it was just anxiety. 🙂

I’ve had my face numbed before and I don’t ever remember that happening. So, hopefully, it doesn’t . . . EVER again. I have 2 more appointments to cover all the cavities I’ve managed to accumulate in the last 24 years. Yeah, I’m just that good.

Anyway, hangin’ with my good friend Kacy this afternoon and then heading home, courtesy of my awesome brother, Bill. Family rocks!!

I’ve enjoyed my weekend!! My sis, Kelli, put us up and treated us the whole time we were here. My boys only drove her crazy a half dozen times or so . . . she’s 3 months prego  . . . if I were 3 months prego, I would of tempted to put them in a crate with food and water for the day. Hence the reason we are stopping at 2 munchkins. 🙂

Ready to head home though. Justin gets home Thursday and I am overly excited to see him!!

‘Here’s the kids, I have to take a day to myself!’ . . . ‘Aren’t you glad you’re home, sweety?’

🙂

 

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Speaking of Reminiscing

My old-timer Mac computer had to be rebuilt last year . . . therefor everything that was on it prior to that fateful day was erased, including loads of photos. Good thing Justin never lets me erase the memory cards for my camera.

That’s right, I have good stack of memory cards from yesteryear hanging out on my bookshelf. We buy a new memory card everytime it fills up. Now I’m happy we did that . . . oh, and we got an external drive to save things on to. The hard lessons learned along the way.

So yesterday something overcame me and I decided I HAD to get these older photos, mostly from the kids were babies, loaded on my Mac. I think there was an original reason but then it came to be all about just staring at them and getting a photo-book started.

I mean, they grow up so stinking fast. And their appearance changes so dramatically. This is a photo of Tobias. Chubby, not quite two year old . . . refusing to get out of the bath.

The photo above is of, from your left, Samuel (red necklace), Tobias and cousin Braxton . . . taken this past summer at Silver Creek Falls. So NOT chubby 6 year old . . . that balks at taking a bath; too busy for baths, that one. Their faces crack me up . . . obviously trying to do an organized, posed photo. Oh well.

Samuel . . . I’m thinking is pacifier was dipped in chocolate milk or something . . . what a face! He is probably around 4 months here. These baby photos make me want to have another, for goodness sakes. That’s probably not in the cards, but it’s a nice thought.

Face isn’t so chubby . . .  no pacifier marks on his mouth, which is a good thing. 🙂 This photo was just taken maybe a month ago at the dog park.

I’m beyond blessed, I tell you!! My boys aren’t just growing to be handsome little men but kind hearted and, mostly, respectful. Makes my heart glad and grateful to God; it’s by His grace, I’m telling you!

 

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Patio Jungle

Pruning was the task today. I’ve got lots of overgrown stuff that isn’t really producing flowers or fruit at the moment . . . so out came the pruning sheers.

Hiding, quite successfully, in my potted Mum was this little guy . . .

What, I’m assuming, is a Tree Frog.

I jokingly called my patio chaos of plants and flowers, a jungle, but was thoroughly surprised at the sight of Mr. Frog here. I live on a relatively busy street, in an apartment, surrounded by other apartments.

He didn’t wait long to leave our temporary holding cell there . . . he’s now bringing his heart-rate down under the planted whiskey barrel. 🙂 Think of the story he has to tell his friends. . . crazy humans . . . staring . . . like they’ve never seen a frog before.

Off he goes, into the wilds of the whiskey barrel and limbs of the giant vining tomato . . . wild.

Speaking of wild . . . check these Marigolds

No two blooms are alike. Man, I wish I would of written down the type of Marigold these are! I grew them from seed and they are nutty.

All twisted and kinda insane . . . then, from the same plant . . . you have;

Now, I believe this is the ideal . . . the way they are suppose to look. Neatly put together and pretty in pictures. Kind of like me . . . on my good days, my house is squeaky clean, my kids’ face are clean and all is in order; dinner on the table and wash folded and put away . . . BUT then there are those days, the laundry overflows from the dirty hamper, boys run rampant with their dirt and jelly stained faces, dinner? Crap, I’m out of everything! Twisted, a bit insane, but still beautiful . . . full of God’s love and goodness. It just might not be pretty in pictures.

Sorry little side thought there. 🙂

That was our excitement this morning . . . guess I should make sure I have stuff to make for dinner.

Blessing on your weekend!

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Discontent

I have found myself in major discontent lately . . . lately = the last year or so. Some things didn’t go our way; the way we perceived they were suppose to go. I didn’t know I was letting it in . . . or maybe I did. But I slowly, instead of listening and obeying God, drew away from Him. I’m attempting to get my act together . . . to focus my eyes back on what and who matters . . . living a life conscious only of Him; letting the chips fall where they will, in life.

He’s met me. Despite my stupid mess-ups and continuing struggle to get right with Him and walk solidly in Him; learning to rest in Him . . . But I’m incapable of doing it on my own.

Oswald Chambers

Whenever anything begins to disintegrate your life with Jesus Christ, turn to Him at once and ask Him to establish rest.  Never allow anything to remain which is making the dis-peace. Take every element of disintegration as something to wrestle against, and not to suffer.  Say – Lord, prove Thy consciousness in me, and self-consciousness will go and He will be all in all. Beware of allowing self-consciousness to continue because by slow degrees it will awaken self-pity, and self-pity is Satanic. Well, I am not understood; this is a thing they ought to apologize for; that is a point I really must have cleared up. Leave others alone and ask the Lord to give you Christ-consciousness, and He will poise you until the completeness is absolute.

The complete life is the life of a child. When I am consciously conscious, there is something wrong. It is the sick man who knows what health is. The child of God is not conscious of the will of God because he is the will of God. When there has been the slightest deviation from the will of God, we begin to ask – What is Thy will? A child of God never prays to be conscious that God answers prayer, he is so restfully certain that God always does answer prayer.

If we try to overcome self-consciousness by any common-sense method, we will develop it tremendously. Jesus says, “Come unto Me and I will give you rest,” i.e., Christ-consciousness will take the place of self-consciousness. Wherever Jesus comes He establishes rest, the rest of the perfection of activity that is never conscious of itself. 

That was my devotional this morning. Yep, still reading good ol’Oswald . . . so much rich treasure there! I’m still unearthing it. Hope this tidbit helps someone who needs to hear it, like I did this morning! 🙂

Anyhow . . . hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!

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Change

Life is always going to shift and change. But today I’m grateful for the mundane of summer days and being home with my boys!

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