Filed under: Samuel, Walk/Jog, family, love, me, outdoors, photographs, summer, talk, tobias, toddlers, workout | Tags: me, minto-brown, park, Samuel, tobias, trails, Walk/Jog
The boys tolerate about 40 minutes, sitting in the stroller . . . munching whatever snack I remember to bring and sipping juice or milk, whatever I end up bringing. The whine a bit, they goof off a bit but mostly they talk and pick on each other. I have fallen in love with the trails at a local park and we get there as frequently as the gas money will allow. The above pic is of the trail that runs along the river . . . we took that for the first time yesterday. Nice and shaded, even at 11am or so whilst I jogged my backend off.
The payoff for the boys sitting so long is the promise and the action of stopping at the playground area after we (or mom) gets done on the trails.
Though the playground is becoming less of an attraction to them than the nearby wilds of the park . . . but the playground is approximately where we park the stroller and Byron gets tied up.
And then they noticed the blackberries . . . berries we’ve picked in the past but this day, this day they figured out they can pick the sweet berries themselves.
Tobias, obviously the more experienced of the two, would routinely feed them to Samuel.
And then they couldn’t resist it . . . they escaped into the wild!
The cutest darn creatures I’ve seen in the wilds of Oregon!
God Bless!
Filed under: Friends, Goals, God, Lessons, family, fireman, grace, husband, love, me, prayer, school stuff, summer, talk, toddlers, whiny | Tags: family, financial aide, fun stuff, God, grace, hubby, life, me, poor school budget, provider, school, talky talky, tots
I thought I’d cry daily without internet to escape into when my days fell quiet in the evenings and my mind just wanted to focus on one thing . . . fizzle out the stresses of the day . . . share on this crazy thing we call a blog, almost daily. But I didn’t. I found myself doing somewhat productive things . . . reading more, cleaning more (to Justin’s liking), and doing a bit more soul/spirit searching than I’ve allowed myself in quite some time.
Thats not to say that I didn’t miss writing and connecting with my friends and family . . . since we all know how good I am at picking up a phone and calling . . . but it definitely didn’t altar my life to the magnitude I had convinced myself it would. 
We have been going through it, financially, this term (Summer). Financial aide decided to randomly pull us for audit . . . most likely, we were told, because we pull so much aide . . . so, not so random. But, because of this we will not receive our aide until the end of the term. It has hit us hard, considering we, as a family of four, depend on this for bills, school (including tuition and books) and miscellaneous junk, such as diapers and shampoo. I am, by choice, a stay at home mom and Justin takes, anywhere from 18 credits to 28 credits, depending on what needs to be done when. Work is not an option, outside work study . . . ope, and thats connected to financial aide. Awesome, I tell you.
But, its just another bump in the road. Life, as it is. God has provided a means to keep going and I know HE’s completely in control. His eye is on the sparrow . . . how much more is he watching and caring for us?! Also, though, if you think about us, send up a prayer for us, eh. Thanks. 
Well, I think I’m going to end now. Life is full of adventures . . . some of those adventures leave me a bit stress-induced but the history and character it creates is worth it! Thank you, Jesus, for all character building experiences!
God Bless!
Filed under: Friends, Goals, God, Lessons, family, grace, husband, love, me, outdoors, photographs, summer, talk, toddlers | Tags: God, learning to be me at 30, me, self acceptance, social delinquent
After nap we loaded up and drove to Chemeketa’s track for the Relay for Life. Justin was on shift and his shift was obligated to participate . . . they wore their uniforms . . . turnout pants, suspenders over blue shirts and their turnout boots . . . this has to be one of the hottest uniforms that is known to womankind. Justin is muscular but, for some reason, he is purely strapping in suspenders and turnout pants (turnouts are the suit of choice for fighting actual fires).
So, after sucking in the drool that escaped my bottom lip whilst closing my slack jaw . . . Justin introduced me to the people standing around him . . . another fine specimen in his uniform and some ladies from the office.
Something I’ve had to get used to with Justin is that he is not very accommodating in social situations. When he invites me (since we’ve met) somewhere where he is obviously the one that knows everyone . . . I expect to “hang with him” for the first 30 minutes or so . . . until I get my barrings and meet most of the people he associates with. Thats what I would expect someone to do if I invited them somewhere where they knew no one and I knew everyone.
Sometimes, depending, Justin even forgets to formerly introduce me . . . can we say awkward. If I were more socially aggressive or a social butterfly . . . perhaps I could remedy the situation on my own . . . most times I at least get my name out there and learn their name. And I love to shake hands . . . I love an introduction to be concluded with a handshake, a smile and a friendly gesture of ‘glad you’re here’ sort of thing . . . and thats good in the land of the fire fighters cuz they like to shake hands.
But after introducing me quickly to the shift captain (his last shift before J takes over) he describes where their tent is and then announces he has to walk. See ya later, alligator.
Thats just Justin. I think it is because he is so comfortable and confident within himself that he doesn’t have a thought that believes otherwise of me.
Apparently I’m not as confident . . . not until there is some repor (sp) with some of the people present.
“Ah, just introduce yourself to Smith and let’em know you’re my wife . . . he won’t care if you hang out under the tent . . . or whatever you wanna do . . . see ya in a bit.” Thats the words. Not rude. Not by any means.
People . . .I just wrote a blog . . . maybe a week ago . . . about how confident I felt and after spending the day with J’s colleagues how well I did . . . etc.
Ah, today wasn’t bad and the sun felt great. I chased some really cute boys around and bought them juice and m&m’s and then dealt with their overtired tantrums all evening . . . once we arrived home. And I realized that I really need to get down to business with this last 20 lbs . . . what gives? Thats all I got left and I procrastinate . . . after losing 60 lbs in less than a year . . . 20!! 20 lbs . . . thats it! I gotta get it off. I wanna wear shorts and cute tshirts.
All is vanity
Oh yeah . . . and I wanna be healthier. And stuff
Alright. I might not of landed any new best friends today but I refuse to beat myself up for being something I’m not. It takes a long time for me to make friends . . . must be patient with myself.
I think I burned . . . it’ll turn into a tan . . . nearly always does. Though that stuff seems less important to me as I get older. I still like a good tan . . . maybe I need to invest in sunless tanner . . . not really into skin cancer all that much.
I think the eyes of my heart need to be adjusted back on the One who’s opinion matters . . . and thats God’s. I cannot control what people think or perceive about me . . . especially as a first impression. Come on . . . I can’t even count how many times I’ve been wrong about someone by the first impression . . . time tells all.
Filed under: God, Lessons, family, husband, me, outdoors, summer, talk, toddlers | Tags: busy day, family, hubby, kids, me, outside, playgrounds, summertime, sunshine
We, all of us, were busy with an appointment this morning and now I’m freshly showered, I’m killing time until the boys wake up . . . then we’re off to keep J company whilst he volunteers his time for Relay for Life . . . I use the word ‘volunteer’ very very loosely. He doesn’t get paid but his whole shift is required to be there . . .
I joke about eating a lot of cookies . . . but I ain’t kiddin’ today. Justin brought home huge quantities of Safeway’s fresh cookies . . . um, they’re good, real good . . . and I keep on eatin’em!
I dislike my hair right now . . . kinda frizzy and in need of a professional cut . . . I don’t think my self-cuts are cutting it. Get it . . . cutting it! hee hee I crack myself up!
I should be doing the dishes and being productive in other ways right now . . . but I’m not and I probably won’t. The kiddos will be up here, in the less than an hour and then we’re off and runnin’ again.
I was so excited about having a sunny day yesterday we ended up going on two walks . . . I found a playground, no more than, a mile from my house and so we made a morning of it . . . and then an afternoon of it. The sun felt good . . . the heat felt good and we thrived in it yesterday!
I think we’re staying and having dinner with J’s shift as well . . . we’ll see how the boys hold up.
Well, God keeps on being faithful to us and we’re going to make our bills, yet again, this month. On paper it doesn’t work . . . but its getting done anyway . . . so honor to God, as usual!!
I’m going for now . . . just wanted to pop in and say hello . . . and, of course, kill some time.
God Bless!!
I am: a mom, wife, sister and friend
I think: I get bored too easily
I thank: God . . . no matter if the outcome is not what I anticipated
I know: how old I am
I wish: I could stop eating so many cookies
I hate: my lazy side
I miss: my hubby right now
I feel: a lot and sometimes I base too much of a decision on feelings
I shop: through a window
I hear: the hum of my computer and tot silence . . . sleep has befallen them.
I crave: chocolate
I wonder: if I’m doing a crappy job at this mothering thing
I dream: lately of death and sad stuff . . . thats a first in my life
I love: my hubby, my boys and my fam and friends . . . how lonely a life it would be without their companionship.
I care: way too much of other’s opinions
I always: eat breakfast . . . even if I don’t feel hungry
I celebrate: birthdays and Christmas the mostest
I sing: like a rock star . . . ahem, yeah, not really.
I cry: when stressed beyond the max or I’m angry (sometimes those are related)
I don’t: like to pick up or clean up poop . . . yet that seems to be a large chunk (no pun intended) of my life right now.
I write: a lot . . . and too much
I pray: for a more gracious and patient heart . . . understanding.
I lose: my keys . . . all the time. I also loose my temper more than I should.
I listen: better than I talk
I am scared: most of failing and then disappointing the one’s that depend on me . . . kinda the same thing.
I dance: um . . . like a white girl
I need: to trust God more
I surf: the internet . . .
I dread: death of my hubby and/or boys
I anticipate: J’s graduation . . . yeah, I’ve got 2 years. Something sooner . . . how about a trip to my parent’s in September.
I laugh: at weird stuff.
Filed under: Bible, Goals, God, Lessons, Walk/Jog, coffee, family, grace, husband, love, me, outdoors, school stuff, sisters, summer, talk, tobias, toddlers | Tags: family, life, toddlers, God, grace, me, hubby, thoughts, sister, rambling, nephew, day to day, dumpage, bragging, school stuff
I always pop in here after the boys are asleep . . . whether it be in the middle of the day at nap, or at night . . . they’re asleep and I’ve gotten the things done around the house and stuff to the point I feel comfortable leaving it to wait . . . another day.
Sometimes my house has to be spic and span clean . . . everything in its place before I can relax . . . unwind, which takes place zoning into this thing and reading my Bible.
Sometimes I put away perishables (most of the time) and clear the floor just enough to keep me from tripping and killing myself pre-coffee the next morning. Like a snow plow on the highways . . . snow is still there . . . but its not threatening your life . . . just mounded along your trail from your bed to the coffee maker.
And, yes, I can still unwind when the house is a mess. And, yes, I can still go to sleep knowing that all the dishes weren’t cleaned and will be waiting slime-ensued the next morning.
But I love to wake up to a clean house. So I’ve spent the evening cleaning up what I didn’t get to throughout the day. Which wasn’t much cuz I had my nephew visiting today.
I’ve decided I really do like my new arrangement of the living room . . . I really do! My couch faced away from the window before and now I get window view from my couch . . .that now faces the window. Not that I have much of a view . . . but we have some nice landscaping here . . . lots of trees. I try to ignore the garbage area across the parking lot . . . and the amount of foot traffic it attracts.
We made cupcakes for no good reason today. I ate more frosting than I should have . . . way more . . . and the boys had two cupcakes. Not at the same time but it was one too many. The remainder went next door to tempt them the rest of their cupcake lives. I’m not big on cake . . . so I’m not tempted by the cupcake themselves . . . just the frosting.
My nephew, B, came over for about 5 hours today. It was good to see my sister, Kelli and B! The boys always play so well together! Toby loves him!
So I think I glanced the sun . . . too bad it made its appearance well after 6pm. We still got out a lot today and played, overcast and all. We did a short walk, to run an errand, this morning and it was chilly. Weird. My mom keeps bragging about their 90 degree temps down in NV and how they’re living it up in their pool . . .blah blah blah! Bums!
Justin is already a busy bee. He’s going to get busier now he’s a second year student. He already has one - twenty four hour shift a week . . . it rotates. Starting with summer term he’ll have a 2nd - 24 hour shift at Woodburn. This is his internship and he’ll get paid for this one. But its still another full day away from us. I’ll get used to it . . . I just miss him a lot this week!
He leads a different shift than he was a participant, as a first year. So he does the shift change this week. His old shift . . . the last one, is today. The shift he is captain of, that he is required to be at, starts Friday.
Busy week . . . stressful but worth it.
God’s favor has been all over this from the beginning . . . HIS grace will be sufficient for me! . . . and for our boys.
God Bless and good night!
Filed under: family, husband, love, me, photographs, talk | Tags: birthday paraphrased, eating a lot, family, fun, me
31 years old, as of yesterday. Me. I feel and act like I’m about 22 years old. I don’t look it. 
We bought dinner and rented a movie . . . and, oh yeah, ice cream . . . but not from 31 flavors. Justin got me Cold Stone. Ok, thats better than Baskin Robbins, hands down.
So, I weigh 10 lbs heavier than I weighed yesterday morning. I’m joking. I decided not to weigh . . .
But we watched Rambo . . . um, the new one. I don’t know what the official title is, but its Rambo, with the old Sylvester Stallone. But buffed, no worries. He still looks like he could rip your throat out with his bare hands . . . and he does that very thing to one of the bad guys . . . one of the most violent movies I watched in awhile. But I liked the story. The other thing is, it was only one hour and twenty minutes long. I don’t think that I’ve watched that short of a movie, well, ever. The exception being animated flicks.
Funny cuz its violence, taking place in a real-life civil war, thats occurring right now in Burma . . . people dieing, heads being blown off, arms and legs being blown off . . . pretty much whole bodies being blown apart . . . but I didn’t cry once. Hundred of people died, on screen, and I shed not a tear.
I watch PS, I Love You and I cried, pretty much, the entire length of the movie . . . over one man’s death . . . one. Amazing how the emotions can be manipulated . . .
Ok, apparently I needed to do a movie review of sorts. Hmmm . . .
So, good birthday in all! Exceptional because I was surrounded by my family that loves me exceptionally!
Thats me . . . I didn’t really take any pictures yesterday cuz I’m partially retarded . . . so this’ll have to do. And, no, I’m not getting ready to attack anyone or bite anyone’s head off . . . just a really really happy grin . . . from your’s truly.
They have 31 flavors . . . I’m 31 today . . . I think I might have to visit them amid my day of birthday fun!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!
Filed under: God, Lessons, family, grace, husband, me, school stuff, talk, toddlers | Tags: alone, bad day, boys, complain, get over it, hubby, long morning, me, shift, toddlers, whine
Yep, you guessed it . . . its shift day in the Tucker house . . . meaning Justin is fulfilling his time at the fire house and we are here . . .
I’ve managed to loose my keys, so I’m also home-bound. Very very home bound. The youngest son’s shoes are in the van . . . the unlocked but armed van. I see the sun peeking out from the clouds . . . holy carp, its getting sunny out! I might have to set the van’s alarm off for the shoes . . . worth it?
Its been a long and bit of a lonely week for me. Justin is finishing up final projects and he is, as I’ve already stated, on shift today. He also has shift Monday.
Ugh
So, as proud as I am of him . . . and as grateful as I am that he is such a hard worker, allowing me to remain home with my boys . . . I’m a bit burned out today. I think I might be in need of a tot break . . . and not just for an hour and a half while they sleep in the middle of the day.
Which is what they are suppose to be doing right now and I hear Tobias in there, 45 min after I laid him down, still whining. I’ve been in there checking on him and he’s fine . . . apparently just not sleepy. He still does his time . . .momma rules.
This day has proven to be carppy. I know I’m suppose to look for the blessing and the lesson out of everything but sometimes that just ain’t so.
Tobias is 3 years old and has gotten into a funk of rebellion (for lack of a better word) that is about to send me over the edge. He defies me constantly and does stuff he knows he’s not suppose to do. He has started to tell me “NO” and follow it up with a tantrum if I make him . . . I still make him. I’m not going into how we have decided to parent and how we discipline and all of that . . . but he has gotten his fair share of discipline, especially the last few weeks.
I am a very hands on type person. I love to hold my kids, hug them, kiss them, etc. In a good, wholesome way. So they get plenty of that. And I love to read to them . . . gives me an excuse to hold them and they sit in my lap for longer stints.
My nerves were frayed this morning due to Tobias’ assertion of his personal will and Samuel, coming up on 2 years old, doing the same . . . just on a lesser plain.
I decide a walk is necessary and, fighting back my own attitude, I start getting the kiddos ready and head out to the van, praying a door is unlocked.
Yep, the driver’s side door is unlocked . . . bonus.
Or NOT . . . the horn alarm starts blaring. An alarm that I was told was disengaged when we took the van . . . one that I had never heard operate since we’d owned it . . . going on 2 years. Oh, it works and loudly too.
I forget the shoes . . . since I was taken off guard and scoot back inside . . . a little embarrassed. Ok, a lot embarrassed . . . why is that embarrassing? I hear you asking this. :) It doesn’t take much to embarrass me. Ok, stop laughing.
And, I’m apparently, allergic to car alarms . . . especially when I set them off because I start to hyper ventilate (for lack of a better analogy) and cry . . . a lot. This has never happened before with car alarms, so it must be a new allergy. Which, in this hormonal point in the month, crying doesn’t take much. But I was. And Tobias is watching me, unfortunately, asking me why I was crying . . . which didn’t help and, since I couldn’t stop, I eventually retreated to my room and emailed Justin . . . which always makes it better. I don’t know why . . . it just does.
Am I revealing a little too much, of how human I am. Oh well . . . there are other blogs to read if you don’t like it. I feel the need to vent . . . and this is my blog.
Yeah, my keys are on hiatus somewhere amidst my messy home, so the alarm blared for several minutes before shutting itself off.
Nice.
So I got over it. Called my mom and unloaded on her but didn’t cry again, since there was no real reason to cry anyway. She just laughed and told me it would get better and Justin won’t be in school forever, etc etc etc. All very encouraging and I appreciated it so much. Even that she was willing to sit there and listen to me complain and moan was enough to lessen the magnified loneliness that the morning fostered.
Also, this is the simplified version. I didn’t mention that it rained here yesterday so all my ant friends decided they needed to pay me a visit today . . . yeah, I thought I had divorced them but they came back full force once their little ant nest was flooded outside. I feel used. So I vacuumed ants and killed ants and then got the restraining order out (ant traps) that I had been hording for this very day. I found them on the wall near my potted plants . . . they do love a well-watered potted plant. And in my room where a lone spoon had been left by my true love last night after he ate peanut butter off of it. Grrr. Does anyone else eat spoonfuls of peanut butter? I did when I was pregnant, it aided the 50 lb weight gain with Samuel . . .
Wow, this is one lengthy blog post. I apologize and, I also, commend you. Kudos to you.
God Bless you as well.
Bad days come and go but God is faithful through it all. If you wanna call this a bad day. I think it could be much worse. Maybe what I need is a good dose of perspective.
Filed under: Samuel, dog, family, husband, love, me, nature, outdoors, photographs, spring, talk, tobias, toddlers | Tags: dog, dog park, energy to burn, fun, hubby, Jack Russell, me, outing, photographs, pics, Salem, Samuel, tobias, tots
Since the purchase of our pooch, Byron, 3 years ago, dog parks have been an active part of our weekly . . . if not . . . daily lives. He is, as you probably are already aware, a Parson Russell Terrier . . . also known as a Jack Russell (I’m not sure if “Russell” is spelled with 2 L’s or not, who cares). Jacks are notoriously high energy, they were bred that way for fox hunting purposes. We are the idiots that bought a high energy breed of dog but now he has wormed his spring-like self into the center of our hearts . . . so he’s stuck with us.
Since the big move to Salemland we had yet to find a loverly dog park to take our exercise deprived animal, to wear out him adequately. No amount of walks or jogs can squelch the amazing resilience of his Jack energy. But dog parks take a little bit of it out of him, thankfully.
3 weeks ago we found one. A dog park. 25 acres of leash-less abound! So many dogs, so many acres of green grass to romp, pee, and poop . . . but mostly romp. And it is so spread out that I don’t mind the kiddos walking on the bark paths with us, instead of squashed in the stroller to watch the going ons. So, in a fashion, its a dog and kid park.
And, thankfully, summer is slowing taking over, so the weather has been oh so nice!
Here are some pictures of the outing yesterday, late afternoon. We’ve been multiple times but I managed to remember my camera . . . and I managed to remember to take pictures once we arrived.
Setting out for a walk around 25 acres of off-leash glory!!
Byron, Tobias and Samuel . . . in the lush scenery.
Tobias, growing up . . . so good looking. I’m not biased in any way though.
Samuel at the dog park. Didn’t have time to edit this one before the real live Samuel woke up from naptime. And now that he’s sitting on me, fresh from a nap, I’m going. He’s good looking too, by the way.
