Was Gonna Make a Joke . . . Oh Well

About the time you have stuff figured out . . . or you think you do . . . life, that is . . . something will shift, circumstantially or in your perspective of a circumstance.

I can’t figure out if these little shifts are good or bad.

Kind of like certain vegetables . . . yeah, not my favorite but the nutrients and minerals they contain are the seller.

Perhaps these shifts in life . . . change and unforeseeable roadblocks a long the way . . . are to remind us we don’t control our tiny little spheres of life; not one iota of it.

I read an article in the local paper just yesterday about a 2 year old little girl running along with her 13 year old sister in the back part of the apartment parking lot . . . they were on their way to start laundry.  A big Ford truck hit that little girl, killed her instantly, and drove off without hesitation.

Random.

Uncontrollable.

My boys, if they are fast enough, get out the door at times and are doing circles around our car before I can even blink.  I’ve pulled them out of our parking lot a dozen times or more . . . disciplined them . . . lectured them on the dangers of doing such . . . that 2 year old’s fate could easily be my boys.

The stuff I see shifting in our lives doesn’t even come close in comparison to what that girl’s momma’s facing right now, in the way of grief and doubt . . . not even close.

But I’m looking to God, something I should of be doing all along but life gets like that sometimes. Its gotta be His will.  Not to sound like a weirdo . . . but my idea of success is not money, houses and cars . . . my idea of success lies more in the region of the heart and the condition of the soul.  HE does know best and I trust Him with our destiny right now.

Oh, Hey, Its Me . . . We Live

It is November already and I can’t even get close to getting over how quickly this past year has flooowwnn by.  Blows my mind actually.

The boys are doing fantastic!  Tob enjoys school so very much . . . Sam is huge.  Huge, I tell you!  Yeah, he wears size 5.  5. Size 5.  Tob and Sam wear the same size in clothes and are about size apart in shoes. They are 17 months apart, right?

Just checking.

I hate rain . . . hate it.  I went out into it anyway today . . . walking and jogging (jogging used lightly) for Byron’s sake, really. Poor puppy dog, I think he misses summertime more than me . . . thats pretty bad.

I put his rain coat on . . . thats why I bought it.  A bright yellow rain coat made for Byron’s size.  We get home, I take it off and the underside of the “raincoat” was damp.  Whats the point if its not waterproof?

Anyhow . . . then my loverly friend, Jalaine, brought Taebo Kick-My-Butt over and, well, kicked my abs really.  Buns are tomorrow . . . I know you’re thrilled. Maybe I’ll actually start making a dent in the 10 or so pounds I put on through the past 6 months . . . grr.

We did get a membership to the Kroc Center, thanks to Tob’s preschool, its a brand new fitness club, pool and community center not a mile from my house.  That has been the biggest blessing!  And in the nic of time, this stinkin’ cold winter weather limits the old outdoor time, for sure. The pool is super cute, made for kids and the boys have loved every second.  Mom loves the workout facility and daycare so I can actually USE the workout facility.  Nice!

Justin is in the thick of the Paramedic Program . . . he has started clinicals, about 2 weeks ago, and next week that ups to clinicals three times a week, plus school, plus studying, etc.

Holy Crud . . . and thank ya, Lord . . . all at the same time.

We do get to make the trip to Washington for Thanksgiving with my parents . . . yeah, they are currently residing in the Trij-Cities, if you didn’t know.  Much closer than Vegas. Justin has the weekend and I’m so looking forward to the family time!!

Tob has taken to calling us different kinds of animals.  He has settled on me being a rabbit, Justin being an elephant, Sam being a turtle and himself being a frog.  Its been this way for a month . . . he reminds me of our animal kingdom names every few days.

Myron . . . that is what Tob decided Byron’s name was today and there was no telling him otherwise!  Myron, kinda cuter than Byron.  Hmm.

The imagination of a 4 year old boy. I won’t talk about the smartelic remarks that come from the same beautiful face.

So, here’s to living . . . my life is really not very exciting so I haven’t written very much lately.  Just wanted to pop in here and let ya’ll know we still exist . . . our hearts are still oxygenating blood and pumping away . . . though Justin has informed me after the billionth time of listening to my heartbeat over the course of the last few months that I have an irregular rythm every once in awhile.  I asked if I was going to die, he said no, so I think no more of it. The heart has its own electricity . . . I love learning this stuff and making it my very own . . . how freakin awesome is that?  And I’m not tested and graded . . . much funner!

My wisdom teeth were pulled out, all four of them, on Friday.  Awesome, cuz the two bottom ones were rotting.  Painful, it has been . . . but apparently very normal healing process. They feel like giant holes in my head . . . my friend informed me the grow together, in other words the holes go away over about a month’s span of time.

Cool . . . hurry up about it!  I love almonds and almonds are IMPOSSIBLE to eat without getting the little almond crumbs in those gosh darn holes.  grr.

The hardships of life.

Justin was at school all day . . . now he’s at the gym . . . he’ll be back anytime now.  I better go for now, I suppose. I might need to go to bed as well.

Huh.

Well . . . have a loverly week!  Happy Veterans day, for Wed., I surely appreciate whats been done for me and mine, including my country!!

 

Happy Sunday

Actually it was a really mellow and sorta boring Sunday.

I found time to do some cleaning that I’ve put off for some time.  Organization . . . NOT my strong suite.

I finally rinsed . . . well, actually cleaned the stringy pumpkin guts . . . from the many many many seeds and roasted them (the seeds) up.  We had carved pumpkins a bit early, as in last week, and the seeds were waiting for me.  They turned out fine, I suppose . . . it was more for Justin than myself.  He likes them.  They’re suppose to be good for you . . . ok, I looked it up, cuz I was curious.  They are much like nuts in their nutritional content . . . not that shocking considering nuts are seeds, just bigger. Well, in my tiny little world they are. hehe  Anyhoo . . . for a cup they are almost 300 calories and 12 grams of fat . . . though a cup would be A LOT of seeds! 12% Iron . . . not shabby.  The texture and taste remind me of roasted soy nuts.  Good but super filling.

I’m not sure why I needed to rattle all that off on here.  Thats what 2 hours of my afternoon consisted of, perhaps thats why.

Quit laughing at me.

I picked the last of the squash, beans and tomatoes from my plants today.  I nearly cried.  Surely gardening isn’t suppose to last until mid-October but it did.  I also cut the last of my sunflowers to decorate my house. So uplifting to have them about.

The boys and I walked to the grocery store . . . a whole .7 miles from my house.  That is POINT 7 miles . . . as in less than a mile. I think its 1.4 miles, round trip.  :) I packed what I could and came home.  I really do enjoy walking to accomplish stuff, like grocery shopping.  I loathe when the weather turns rainy for months on end . . . makes it a bit more of task to get outside.

Other than school engulfing Justin to the max . . . 7 days a week . . . and my rather irritating adjustment into that world again . . . everything is as it has been.  But less than a year!! . . . thats consolation to me. That and the grace of my God, good friends and family.  Clinicals, for Justin start this week too.

To pay back all the people that have been so so generous through this season . . . I can’t wait!!

Anyhoooooooo . . . off to bed I go.

Blessings on your week!

One of the fiercely BEAUTIFUL Sunflowers from me garden.  Uh, yeah, they just grow that way.

Life and Time

Taking care of kids . . . two boys that are the age where they don’t show appreciation for much . . . but require you to serve them quite a bit still.  Most of the time, that is fine, sometimes it grates on my poor nervous system.

Today is one of those grating days.

They have been fighting over one train engine.  One.  They own 10 but the one is the most important train engine of all and if they don’t both have that train engine . . . well, something really bad will happen and stuff.

Being that it was one of Tob’s b-day presents from this past Saturday . . . the right still stands that the thing is his and he doesn’t have share for awhile.

But that does not keep Samuel from slipping up beside Tob while Tob is distracted and snatching the little red train engine out from under T’s nose and booking it out of there . . . usually with Tob on his heels, demanding the train engine back with a shrill screaming shrieking voice that splits the support beams of our apartment structure and makes my ears bleed. Sometimes it comes to a wrestling match as well . . . mmm, fun stuff.

I believe, even though they’ve been asleep for some time, for nap, my ears are still dripping.

Tob was always the loud one. But lately Samuel has joined the shrieking ranks as back-up screamer.  Or, if needed, ‘I’m in trouble, just kidding, but no . . . really, I’m in trouble . . . maybe pain, I’m not sure . . . just get in here’ screamer.

Its not always like that . . . I’m sure my loverly attitude today did not help the attitudes of the subject boys at hand.

But, a lot of times it is.  Constant movement, constant pushing of the envelope and constant noise . . . whether is screaming or just talking or singing their hearts out . . . noise.

This is where I insert that God has truly blessed our family and I know we have our health and He has provided more than enough for me and mine. 

Now, just a little sanity . . .

They’re napping now . . . nap time for me too, I believe.

Hope Tastes Real Good!

Psalm 62:1-2

¹ My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.

² He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

Hi there.  Its me again.  I know, you’re shocked and awed . . . I keep coming back.

As the feelings of franticly looking for something to fill the void of loneliness and hopelessness . . . yes, normal people feel hopeless from time to time.  With myself, it is usually when I’m walking distant from God’s presence in my life . . . I haven’t eaten any of the Word of God . . . so as to fill full of the truth and all the other great things that God provides.  Just like starving in the natural . . . there’s a panic, a depletion of strength and motivation to do anything.

I felt those familiar feelings . . . the all-to-recognizable frustration and irritation . . . welling up within me the last few days.

Now, if I lived in a hut of mud in the middle of nowhere, where no one visited, there were none to be dependant on my services  . . . not even a donkey to feed . . . well, those feelings wouldn’t mean a whole lot.

But I have tots that depend on me, a husband that expects effort from me and a household to nurture and reveal the love of God to . . . and if I’m busy being frustrated, yelling and freaking out for no real reason, other than I need a good swift kick in the pants . . . that objective is not being met.

I also have a loving and merciful God that draws me to Himself . . . loves me unconditionally and convicts me out of that very love . . . giving me room to change, the grace to deal and His wisdom to do so.

Brad talked about crossroads in our lives a couple of weeks ago.  Some of those crossroads are big decisions.  We can see and know the correct road to take, but there is a road that seems easier, less hills and all.    And then there are choices we make daily that are mini-crossroads.  Daily I choose to get up and serve God . . . right now in my life, serving God and serving my family are one in the same.  I’m not good at it, but I strive to be better!  There are days that I feel like I dropped the ball completely, but ultimately, I know that I serve and I’m loved by a BIG God that can deal with catching that ball for me and passing it back my way.  Doesn’t mean there aren’t conscequences for my actions . . . but He’ll see me through those things too.

I can rest in HIM.

I hope your week has gone great so far and the rest of your week is fantastic!

God Bless!

Past Couple of Days

Justin graduates after next week.  The Fire Suppression program.  I think we both feel like he’s graduating, yeah, but he isn’t because he’s not done.  Paramedic will follow in the fall. He will fill Spring and Summer terms with prerequisites and electives.  

I’m proud of him.  

Kind of a rough term with a severe sinus infection that landed him in the emergency room . . . a week later one of his molars blew out . . . it had been giving him a little trouble but it surprised him.  And, yes, the severe sinus infection and the tooth thing were related, just didn’t know it at the time.  So, with doctor and dentists appointments and being on pain meds and antibiotics, which we’re nearing 3 weeks of that, he’s been kind of out of it.  But he pulled through, showed up at class and did his projects despite feeling like road kill.

Speaking of the dentist.  We drove down to Eugene, where our dentist is, and I dropped him off for his 2:30pm appointment and then headed to my sister, Tiffany’s, house.  My other sister, Kelli, had dropped her son, Braxton, off and so the four nephews played and played and ransacked Tiffany and Dan’s house for several hours.  Tiff and I caught up.  Dan and his dad fixed the sink.  And we made pita pizzas.  mmm mmm!  

Prior to trekking to the Eugene area, I went grocery shopping with my friend Anne.  Quite the outing with both my boys and a ton of grocery shopping to do between us (between Anne and I). But we got it done! . . . 2 hours later.  The boys did so so good for me!  

It ended up being a long and rushed day yesterday but it was fun and the time spent with family and my hubby! . . . love those long drives . . . was priceless.

The closed captioning on the tv screen at the gym read that it was to be sunny and warmER today.  And it looks as though they were telling the truth.  So we will take advantage of the out of doors today, I’m sure.  Maybe walk to the playground or just stand outside our front door and soak it up.

My parent’s 40 year wedding anniversary is this weekend.  They are a stunning example of, even through rough waters, how to stay connected . . . hang in there and you will pull through and be better and have a better relationship for your effort and forgiveness.  Sometimes it isn’t fair, the wrongs done, but mercy is the key.  Keeping God in the center and realizing the whole of it is bigger than you and your insecurities. 

I was preaching to myself . . .

So HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MOM AND DAD!

I’m jetting out of here for now.  Hubby is here this morning and I like his company.

God Bless!

Life

My biggest guilt in this life is that I take for granted each day that  I am given, way more than one should be allowed.

I fall into a line of thinking that this is the way its going to be for . . . well . . . forever.  Home, consumed with toddlers, which is great 85% of the time, the other 15% I feel the crazy coming on.

I went to Life Group . . . one my home church puts on in Albany . . . its the first time I had made it down.  I was so blessed!  And reminded that kids do grow up.  Not that I dislike having small kids, cuz I don’t . . . a lot of it is thoroughly enjoyable.  But when I am home all day every day with them, my selfish human nature peeks through . . . or just flips the curtain back and does a little dance of irritation.

I am just in a season.  We, Justin and I, are just in a season of our lives.

AND I don’t want to come out of this time, this precious, once-in-a-life-time, time with my boys and regret not taking the moments in . . . relaxing and enjoying, as well as shaping and molding.

Also, I was reminded, that the bar of excellence . . . virtue and living right for God . . . does not get lowered because I’m home, behind closed doors.  But also that there is a loving God . . . not a condemning God . . . that wants the best for us . . . knows whats best for us.

So, what I’m saying is . . . I feel hope and grace today and I’m grateful to my God for this!  I will enjoy my kids, my hubby and my goofy gym time . . . but also enjoy this amazing, laid back time, to get to know my God and just relax in him.

What season are you in?  Where is God in all of it?  I want God at the center and to be the reason for all of this life work!

God Bless!

My youngest. 

Blog Post

It is Saturday.  I think . . . yeah, pretty sure it is Saturday.  Justin is on shift and the boys and I are livin’ it up here at our loverly home.

I’m not sure when, but somewhere along the way Tobias has decided the words ‘heavy’ and ‘big’ are interchangable. Which they are similiar . . .  interchangeable, probably not.

“Oh, Momma, this book is heavy,” Tobias’ correct usage of the word.

“Momma, you heavy,” probably the correct usage of the word.

“Momma, this is a heavy car and this is a baby car,” comparing a larger car to a smaller car.  I guess it works, but not really.

Recently ‘heavy’ has accumulated a new meaning  . . .  in Tobias-Land. When he is done with his meal . . . or he is presented with a food item he is not hungry for . . .

“No . . . I don’t want it . . . I heavy.”

Full, apparently, and heavy can be used in the same context.

Tobias 5/2008

So I’ve been stepping out our front door, for the past two weeks, to The Oregonian newspaper on my stoop.  As though we had a subscription, but we don’t.

Two guys were at my door about three weeks ago and said they would be delivering the paper for free and wanted my name, address and consent.  Looked legite . . . and they were standing at my door, so they already had my address.  But I expected it to be delivered over one weekend and that be the end.

We’re still getting it.  And I like it.  I like that its there everytime I step out the door. . . I like to read it during breakfast.  I like to feel like I’m getting the news, though it usually is a day old at that point.  But without tv and local, or otherwise, news . . . its been kinda nice.  News is the one thing I really enjoyed tuning into when we had tv.  Well, enjoy might be a strong word.  But I liked to feel connected to the world . . . even though it was the negative, media twisted world, it was still something.  My computer doesn’t play video because its old, cranky and, somedays, decides not to work at all.  So I don’t even attempt anymore.  I guess I could read it on here too . . . ah, I just don’t sit on this thing enough to do that . . . it is a desktop in the backroom (loosely called ‘the office’) and the heats never on and its relatively dimly lit and, well, not my idea of comfortable.

You know another subscription that I miss that I’m not even sure why it lapsed . . . National Geographic.  I gotta start that back up.  I don’t read magazines much but I like that one.

We take Byron to the dog park.  He loves the dog park.  He would explode without exercise at the dog park.  We went last night, in the clear but cold weather.  Around 5pm.  I call it the dog/kid park because the kiddos get just as much exercise as Byron.   There’s a Bullmastiff that is there sometimes.  His name is Bogart (sp).  He is so beautiful and he makes me miss my old Mastiff, Monti. He loves to lean all his mass weight against you while you scratch his back and talk to him . . . he rolls over and waits for you to scratch his belly . . . ignoring that he’s laying in mass mud and nastiness.   He bats Byron around like a fly, with his big old feet. I think I might love Bogart.

Unfortunately all my photos of Monti were pre-digital and I don’t have a scanner . . . but this dog looks just like Monti! I ran across this picture in Flicker and just stared at it . . . I was shocked and I think I cried.  I had Monti for 8 years before he passed on of old age.  He had a lot of health problems his whole life long but remains my favoritist dog!  And I’ll have another soon enough.

Well, my boys are ransacking my “office” . . . so I better go.  It doesn’t take long before they feel attention deprived.

Hope your weekend is relaxing and fulfilling!

God Bless!

Life As It Happens

I don’t make a lot of plans. I just don’t, at this juncture in our loverly lives but I did make plans for yesterday.  I had planned to join my aunt, uncle, and sisters in Eugene for a pizza eating, visiting and all around good time.

Friday night Justin starts talking about how the van has been acting up to the point it shut off on its own whilst driving on the freeway, starting right back up, but it was enough that it dissuaded my determined self from driving the 110 mile round trip to Eugene.  Something about being stranded on the side of the freeway with tots . . . and no hubby . . .  just did not appeal to me, at all, notta.

I was bummed but, if anything, I’m learning to be flexible and to not lose it over little things that I can’t control anyway.

My aunt and uncle live in Eastern Washington, and it worked out they were travelling home right after the luncheon and had time to stop by.

It all worked out!   Always does, even if I don’t understand why its going down the way it is.

Had a great visit, caught up a little, and Rick left me some home-roasted coffee that he himself roasted.  Talk about scoring the goods! I’m sipping it now . . . it is oh so fabulous!

We went outside for a jog yesterday morning.  Yeah, you heard me.  The sun came out enroute and the boys ran themselves ragged at the park half way through.  Oh, it felt so good! I miss jogging outdoors . . . lately I’ve been running indoors more than out.  My friend and I were discussing, just last night, how nice spring sounds! But I think summer is even more coveted, in my personal opinion, here in the Tucker house.

Justin is on shift today, so I’m holding down the fort by my lonesome.  Well, lonesome with two tots. Not completely lonesome.  At all really.

Speaking of . . . I should disband and go watch some active boys.

God Bless your Sunday! . . . wish I was at church.

Coughing and All That

Unfortunately . . . my boys are still coughing.  Mostly Tobias.  I think I might have to make a doctor appointment for him.  I don’t like going to the doctor for them to tell me to just let it run its course . . . but I also don’t like that were going on the 4th day of hacking a lung and no relief in sight.

Justin is on shift today.  The day doesn’t go much different than normal . . . its just the finality of knowing he’ll be gone all day . . . and all night.  Most of the time its just background in my mind . . . some days I don’t care at all for the 24 hours of no-J.

Someone . . . I won’t mention who . . . either turned the heat down so very low or completely off, last night.  It wasn’t me, so I’m assuming it was the other adult in the house.  I’m still cold.

The weather outside is pure rain.  Cold.  And some more rain.  I don’t think we’ll be spending a whole lot of time outdoors today, if at all.

I got 9 hours of sleep and I’m tired today . . . too much sleep??  I don’t get it.  9 hours of solid sleep.  I don’t think thats happened in months.

The pettiness of life.   But in all the dreariness that drags on in life . . . I have a brilliance that never goes out.  I don’t create it but I accept it.  Jesus just keeps on providing mercy, grace, truth and love to our family.  I give HIM the glory, you know.  I can look back and see my life fit together like a God-made puzzle . . . but I doubt now how HE’s managing my life?  Everytime I lean on my own understanding, I feel lost, void.  I’ve doing way too much of that lately and need to look to HIS understanding . . . trust HIM in all things.  The world has never offered me anything worth anything . . .  except emptiness.  So, today, I try, in my frail human attempts, to put HIM first . . . again, and again.

If you haven’t noticed, its a circle of sorts . . . the need to do the same thing when life starts getting to me.  If life is getting to me, God is not my focus!

God Bless the rest of your week!