Talk the Talk

I grew up in a pastor’s home, immersed in the church culture.  I saw the good and I saw ugly religion and the bad, ungodly stuff, it created.

I was looking for a verse to sum up the Easter weekend . . . that aligned with my feelings regarding . . . and came across this.

Anyone who sets himself up as “religious” by talking a good game is self-deceived. This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air. Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from the godless world. -James 1:26

That is out of The Message Bible, one I lover a lot.

How convicting is that?

Well, I found it convicting anyway.  Its one of those verses that hides away . . . though it comes out in other areas of the Bible, just not worded quite like that.

And this gem makes me second-guess my very relationship with God, but in a good way.  Why don’t I immitate HIM more . . . so independent and self-serving, I am.

If someone claims, “I know him well!” but doesn’t keep his commandments, he’s obviously a liar. His life doesn’t match his words. But the one who keeps God’s word is the person in whom we see God’s mature love. This is the only way to be sure we’re in God. Anyone who claims to be intimate with God ought to live the same kind of life Jesus lived. -1 John 2:4

I was just looking for a smushy verse regarding love and all that God has done for us in dying and rising from the dead, and now I might need to go repent of my selfishness and figure out where my passion has gone for HIM.

And through that, will overflow . . . most of the time without my knowing . . . to all that need encouragement, love and a picture of Jesus.

I love the fruits of the spirit . . . I love that they are routinely called “fruits of the spirit”.  Cuz they can’t truly grow without the Spirit of God.  You can mimmick them but it’ll just be conterfeit without God’s involvement.

You become like the people you hang out with . . . something my mother told me a lot as I was growing up.  So, I choose to hang out with God . . . which, truthfully I haven’t done enough of lately . . . and I will start to reflect HIM . . . whats important to God, will become important to me.

Why do  I confess on this blog?  hee hee

But through it all . . . I don’t want to be a bag of hot air.  I want to genuinely know and, therefor, reflect my Savior.

Happy Easter!

His living, dying and rising from the dead has bridged the chasm between God and ourselves . . . thankful just seems so inadequate in the face of that sacrifice and love.

But thankful, I am!

God Bless!

Coughing and All That

Unfortunately . . . my boys are still coughing.  Mostly Tobias.  I think I might have to make a doctor appointment for him.  I don’t like going to the doctor for them to tell me to just let it run its course . . . but I also don’t like that were going on the 4th day of hacking a lung and no relief in sight.

Justin is on shift today.  The day doesn’t go much different than normal . . . its just the finality of knowing he’ll be gone all day . . . and all night.  Most of the time its just background in my mind . . . some days I don’t care at all for the 24 hours of no-J.

Someone . . . I won’t mention who . . . either turned the heat down so very low or completely off, last night.  It wasn’t me, so I’m assuming it was the other adult in the house.  I’m still cold.

The weather outside is pure rain.  Cold.  And some more rain.  I don’t think we’ll be spending a whole lot of time outdoors today, if at all.

I got 9 hours of sleep and I’m tired today . . . too much sleep??  I don’t get it.  9 hours of solid sleep.  I don’t think thats happened in months.

The pettiness of life.   But in all the dreariness that drags on in life . . . I have a brilliance that never goes out.  I don’t create it but I accept it.  Jesus just keeps on providing mercy, grace, truth and love to our family.  I give HIM the glory, you know.  I can look back and see my life fit together like a God-made puzzle . . . but I doubt now how HE’s managing my life?  Everytime I lean on my own understanding, I feel lost, void.  I’ve doing way too much of that lately and need to look to HIS understanding . . . trust HIM in all things.  The world has never offered me anything worth anything . . .  except emptiness.  So, today, I try, in my frail human attempts, to put HIM first . . . again, and again.

If you haven’t noticed, its a circle of sorts . . . the need to do the same thing when life starts getting to me.  If life is getting to me, God is not my focus!

God Bless the rest of your week!

My House is Quiet

Boys are sleeping.  Justin is off running errands and cleaning the car out . . . boy has a hard time sitting still.  Ah well, I do enough of it for both of us. 

I’m really not suppose to be on here.  There is a load of stuff to do prior to our trip to Vegas and Christmas day spent at my sister’s house but here I am. 

I will admit to you that I enjoy going over previous posts . . . ok, in my own blog.  I’m a dork like that.  It encourages me, a lot, to see where I’ve been, even last week, and how God has come through for us time and again.

I ran across this post and thought I’d put it in the forefront.  I have to constantly remind myself of this.  And, I’d like to add that I really don’t derive a bunch of great stuff from hard times of perseverance if I’m not rooting myself in the Word and praying through it. Grace, true grace from our God has to reign in order for hope to come of all this that we face in the world.  And, I’d like to say that none of my experiences, nothing I write in this pathetic little blog of Mother Tucker thoughts is new, is unique or inclusive to me.  I know people face similar difficulties and hard times . . . if not much more difficult and hard than my own.  I hope that, if anything this blog can point to Jesus as the hope producer . . . through the trials, HE is our provision. 

I love Jesus!!!  . . . with all that I am.  I don’t mind if I’m considered a simpleton due to this fact of my life.  He is all that I know for certain in his world.

God Bless!

Gotta Keep Lovin’

Some things people do hurt.  They just do.  They were meant to hurt and do and therefor you have options with that particular circumstance . . . forgive or keep that little offense, like a seedling, buried . . . water that thing a bit, fertilize while you’re at . . . all the negative thoughts, loathing and refusing to let God till the soil of your heart . . .

. . . And then BOOM!  that thing is the biggest, stinking prickliest thistle weed that you ever did see . . . poking and diluting all the other aspects of your life . . . its roots choke out good things God has done and steals your very purpose of life . . .

The thing that has just popped into my view finder today is an offense I’ve fostered . . . its not a quick growing, nor is as definable as the above.  One offense and you deal or don’t deal.  You know exactly where it started and you can trace that root back to the beginning.

I can still trace the root back but this is something thats gone on for a year or so and its all these minor offenses and I think I’ve let them go, until it happens again and the way I react shows me that there is no way under heaven I had dealt with that fully.

I blamed this person for not holding up her end of the bargain . . . no worries, no one that reads this goofy blog . . . and all along I had let my end drop . . . and, on top of that I kept score of who was dropping what and why and analyzing and judging every move this person made.  I took so much personally and literally that was, either not meant that way at all, or shouldn’t of even been on my radar, if my eyes were where they were suppose to be . . . on Jesus and what HE’s given me to do . . . which, to clarify, is not to judge others.

For goodness sakes . . . I could take the rest of my life and log every sin and stuff God has forgiven me for . . . I don’t think I want to though.  Lets just say that I’ve witnessed and have been the recipient of undeserved grace . . . and my only commission, within that, is to give it right back out . . . grace, people, have grace and mercy on the person and people in your life. One day you will need their understanding and faithfulness. And, the cherry on top, we gain more forgiveness and mercy from the ONE it matters most from, Jesus!

So big and small . . . let us let go of the offenses today . . . seek God in understanding and letting go of our rights and grasping HIS mercy, love and forgiveness . . . in all, remember what God has done for us, forgiven us, lets give that right back out, eh!

Alright end of preaching  . . .

God Bless!

Being Content

I found myself this morning in a fit (quite literally) of self-pity and selfishness. I woke to a poopy dog at 4:30 am (I woke to the raunchy smell, cleaned it, and it took well over 30 minutes to air my bedroom out) . . . this is after getting to bed at 12:30am. Justin came in at 5:30am and woke me up and then the boys woke bright and early sometime before 8am. I was sleepy . . . I was tired . . . AAACCKK! . . . there is no coffee! How did this catastrophe happen to one such as me. And didn’t I ask Justin to get me coffee, several times in the last week? Oh, poor me . . . boohoo for me.

So I got grouchy. I haven’t seen my husband for more than 5 minutes in the last two weeks whilst his eyes were open and his brain functioning. The boys are being boys . . . toddler aged boys at that . . . financially we’re tight and emotionally drained.

The straw the broke the camel’s back. Or the tiny little bitty undone deed broke the dam for waters of selfish jerkdom to come pouring out of me. I’ve repented and apologized to Justin via email . . . thats always awesome. Not really. But its over and done with and we talked about it . . . via email.

So I’m human, stuff is gonna happen. But I was thinking about how I could keep myself from getting to a point of such frustration that a missing can of Folgers could send me into attack mode. Where along my path of life do I start letting this crud build up in my heart. How can one day I feel like I’ve dealt with life poop quite well and then blow the very next morning.

Bitterness. Its a constant battle of mine to keep my grubby paws out of that mire.

If you have got bitter and sour, you will probably find it is because God brought you a blessing and you clutched it for yourself; whereas if you had poured it out unto the Lord, you would have been the sweetest person out of heaven. If you are craving spiritual sponges, always taking these things to ourselves, we shall become a plague; other people will not get their horizon enlarged through us because we have never learned to pour out anything unto the Lord. – Oswald Chambers from The Place of Help, 1024 R.

Thats it! I grasp, for myself, the things my very God has blessed me with. Instead of looking to HIM, pouring out my heart in worship and gratefulness . . . I get crabby cuz stuff just isn’t panning out that day to my liking. But if my eyes were on HIM, recognizing the blessings in my life and holding those things up as an offering to HIM . . . how much I would steer clear of the mire of bitterness . . . a mire, by the way, that seems to follow me around relentlessly. We are not meant to walk around soaking up all the blessings God has for us and then holding them ransom. We must pour out . . . like the overused analogy of a pond . . . if the water quits flowing in AND out of the pond, it will become stagnant, good for nothing.

I don’t want that. I want God to build me . . . shape me and mold me, continually using me in whatever I find my hands doing. Right now its raising two beautiful boys and growing a household, including my relationship with my husband. I have minimal friends right now and minimal outlets of volunteer-ism. I do enjoy being involved but I must find the purpose God has for the now . . . perhaps a time to just recognize and deal with some roots of bitterness and cynicism that HE’s revealing to me . . . become better in HIM for what HE has for our future.

As a side note . . . worshiping, loving and continuously lifting Jesus up is my main “calling”.  …but there has to be evidence of that in my life.

If you wanna check out a good blog post on bitterness.

God Bless!

Standoff-ish

1 Corinthians 7-8

For who do you know that really knows you, knows your heart? And even if they did, is there anything they would discover in you that you could take credit for? Isn’t everything you have and everything you are sheer gifts from God? So what’s the point of all this comparing and competing? You already have all you need. You already have more access to God than you can handle.

How good to be reminded that all good and perfect gifts are from God.  I know that any good in me comes from my Maker and I prove this theory by walking on the opposite side of the street sometimes . . . distant from HIS comforting hand and face.  Just long enough to catch brief glimpses of the rage, bitterness, self-pity and self-produced angst that awaits me without HIS constance in my life.  There’s another verse that (Stacy paraphrased) says that he chooses the simple things to confound the wise . . . Oh, hey . . . I found the actual verses.  I am reading out of my Message Bible, explaining the modern speech.

1 Corinthians 18-20

Don’t fool yourself. Don’t think that you can be wise merely by being up-to-date with the times. Be God’s fool—that’s the path to true wisdom. What the world calls smart, God calls stupid. It’s written in Scripture,

He exposes the chicanery of the chic.
The Master sees through the smoke screens
of the know-it-alls.

Ok, so one thing I could never claim is the character traits of smart, savvy, genius . . . etc.  I’m not even chic . . . I know some of you were totally duped into believing I was cool . . . but I’m not.  Shocked, huh?

But I have found an acceptance in an ever-present and loving God that I can’t explain really.  And it sounds so elementary, really it does.  But my faith, my life, just keep coming back to the simple truths of Jesus, giving HIS all for me in my wretchedness . . . coming back to life and leaving with me HIS Holy Spirit . . . “me” meaning man-kind.

A love, truth, and peace that just blows my mind if I ponder it for long periods of time.  Which, blowing my mind is a good thing . . . that thing never stops thinking and bringing up stuff, truth and lies and gray areas.  The only time I feel at rest in my mind is when I’m close to God, reveling in HIS presence and staying abreast in HIS word.  I frequently think that, without God, I would be mentally deranged. I do not have the strength or tenacity to withstand this world and it’s pull without God.  A daily miracle . . . a life-long miracle that I claim, sanity.   And I will never walk clear of God’s covering . . . never. I am ruined for HIM.  How can you know the peace and joy resulting in a true relationship with HIM and walk away long term?

So, off the subject cuz I’m boring you . . .I can tell.

My boys are still sick.  Fevers and all . . . now hubby has it.

AWESOME!!

I’m praying they’re better by Sunday cuz their classes won’t let you bring them (like I would anyway) with a cough and fever. Doy! This seems obvious to me but they actually have signs posted.

I’ve become  quite good friends with my neighbor, A.  Nice to have a friend so close . . . about as close as you can get without living in the same apartment.   My upstairs neighbors have been on vacation for well over a week.  Its been so quiet I will have to get used to them all over again when they return.  Loud, they are. Grace growers.

I absolutely adore this March-type weather we are getting in June.

Again, AWESOME!

I’m going to end this rambling post.  I know, you’re sad . . . or is that sleepy?

Samuel . . . snot, slobber and all. He’s getting so big! 2 in September! Holy Carp!

God Bless!

Rambler

Thats my name . . . I can ramble with the best of’em. I am a self-professed lonely old lady . . . with a tad bit of crazy mixed in for good measure.

I’m not really lonely . . . I’m blessed beyond my personal belief with loving family, husband, and friends . . . no worries there. I have my moments, like everyone where loneliness seems to be a mainstay and I buy into lies that try to convince me I’m rowing this river alone. But God continuously and sovereignly proves to me HIS faithfulness and the relationships HE’s put in my life . . . I’m not rowing this river alone.

Is that a dorky analogy or what? Hee hee.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own
understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He
shall direct your paths.
- Proverbs 3:5,6

The inevitable pulls of life . . . loneliness, hopelessness, fatigue (spiritually and mentally), and bitterness; I find true peace when I give up on my own understanding. My understanding of a situation or circumstance. I give up on my understanding (i.e. opinion) of a person or group of people. I give up. I work so hard to keep my opinions and prove their worth. Lots of energy expended to create structure and walls of this world . . . perspectives and opinions (for lack of a better word) . . . these structures and walls of my own understanding create a sense of security within me . . . some as old as I am, formed when I was a kid.

I have to wonder, if I put as much energy and self-will into getting to know my Father in Heaven . . . to devour and hash over HIS words and create structures of divine truth and understanding, with foundations of the Rock . . . instead of my own horribly constructed village of lies, with foundations of sand . . . how much more peaceful and stable I would be in HIM? Not to mention how much more of HIM I would portray to others . . . since it would be HIS truth dominating, not mine.

46“Why do you keep calling me ‘Lord, Lord,’ but don’t do what I tell you? 47I will show you what everyone is like who comes to me, hears my words, and acts on them. 48They are like a person building a house, who dug a deep hole to lay the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the floodwaters pushed against that house but couldn’t shake it, because it had been founded on the rock.[p] 49But the person who hears what I say[q] but doesn’t act on it is like someone who built a house on the ground without any foundation. When the floodwaters pushed against it, that house[r] quickly collapsed, and the resulting destruction of that house was extensive.”

Luke 6:46-49

I so want to do the time . . . dig the hole and have the Rock of my life, Jesus be the sole foundation . . .

There isn’t a person or thing that will take the place of a lasting and rock solid relationship with my God . . . everyone and thing is just bonus material to the true and living God!! He is unchanging.

A man’s heart may be full of designs, but the purpose of the Lord is unchanging. -Proverbs 19:21

So, there ya go. More ramblings by yours truly!

Hope your week’s end is absolutely fabulous and God Bless!!

Just some flower pic of mine. Me likey . . . the bush is beautiful and loaded with these simple roses.

God

I talk a lot about myself on this here blog . . . I suppose thats what blogs are for.    But I just wanted to refresh that there is a God that is faithful to me beyond comprehension . . . beyond what I can do for HIM . . . beyond my unfaithfulness . . . beyond.

I have a God that loves me beyond this world’s knowledge . . . beyond my mistakes and my sin . . . beyond my humanity and unloveliness . . . beyond.

Jesus lived, showed true humility, love, compassion, relationship (to God and people); He died a bloody death and He rose again . . . His Spirit living in me to be my guide and my helpmate.

As much as I get wrapped into the pettiness of life . . . I, ultimately, know that I serve and worship one whose thoughts are high above mine and that I will see, in person, someday . . . in the not-so-distant future.

But, in the meantime He blesses me, provides for me, loves me, brings truth and grace in equal balance . . . all anchored in the Word of God.

I know He has stuff for me to do . . . but this season in my life has, and is, teaching me just to simply trust and hang out with Him . . . something I’m finding I have a hard time accomplishing.  I would much rather be uber-involved in my home church and be busy beaver doing stuff for Him (like thats necessary)  . . . much easier than sitting still . . . forcing myself off the ‘puter and into the Word, forcing my mind off of what’s for dinner and into worship and prayer.

Jesus is patient with me . . . something I am determined to show people around me.  Patience . . . something that is NOT naturally built into my bull-headed mind . . . but, along with grace, is a major aspect of HIMSELF that HE has showered me with . . . even when I didn’t deserve it . . . like I ever ever ever deserve it.

You know what . . . the post was still about me . . . haa haa. Typical human.

God Bless!

The pic is from our loverly trip to Seattle this past Saturday . . . um, something I don’t really wanna talk about. Ugh . . . see prior post. Anyhoo, it was such a nice evening!! Made the drive . . . well, not worth it, but it definitely eased the grumpies a bit.

Calling

I grew up being a pastor’s kid in a non-denominational church. That was 15 years of my life (age 10 on). So I was fully aware of “callings” and the like . . . all the religious jargen associated. I truly feel like my day in and day out, comings and goings, are what God has called me to. My eyes being focused on the one we were created to worship (Jesus) and letting the overflow of that . . . the fruits of being in HIS Spirit . . . effect my daily contacts and life. How I choose to treat my upstairs apartment neighbor is just as important as how I portray Jesus and HIS teachings in a message to thousands (I haven’t had the opportunity to do that, by the way). So I don’t have a clue what my “future” calling is . . . but I know what God has laid in my life and path to do today . . . raise my boys to truly know HIM, treat all humanity with the love and grace of our Saviour, and be the best wife possible.

As for dreaming, I dream about going back to Africa as a missionary . . . to somehow be involved in placing orphans and bringing a solid and truthful knowledge of Jesus where hope seems depleted. If thats in the cards God has for me, so be it.

I’m learning daily that I’m loved by an amazing and gracious God. I yearn for truth and wisdom . . . as much I do for grace and mercy . . . having more grace than truth is spiritually off balance . . . I’ve always leaned more on the side of grace and God is really convicting me to balance it out a bit with more truth.

Alone

I have allowed myself to become quite angry, at times, over the past two days. The reason?  Not interested in sharing too much about that . . . but I will say that I have known frustration and I was reaquainted yesterday and today with the battle that ensues.  I read a gentleman’s blog today . . . in fact I added him to my blogroll, though I don’t know him personally, something in me was drawn to him . . . his simple but profound insights . . . plainly put for my brain to digest.  Like having a conversation with my grandpa, though I haven’t had a grandpa in my life since I was 15 years old. This is what I would imagine the insights would be like.

Ok, so struggling and stumbling along . . . part of me, the quieter, wiser part of me speaking to me of the high road and leaning into God with the issue . . . allowing my character to be changed . . . instead of worrying and fretting over someone else’s character flaws . . . but my rights and selfish ego were wrapped in what this person had done, etc . . . and it wasn’t the first time it had happened and I still hurt like the first and blah blah blah  . . . but the angry, bitter part of me rages against that quiet voice . . . one that screams about my perceived injustice and makes the petty small things seem like everything at the time . . .

I sat down at the computer, turned my worship cd and stumbled onto Distinct Impressions (the blog) and was immediately sucked in by the simple truths laid out in daily life.  I think I had read 6 or so posts and ran upon this one  http://distinctimpressions.wordpress.com/2008/02/12/type-when-frustrated/

Now, I’m not tech savvy, so you’ll have to copy and paste if you want to read that post.

This stuck out to me;

“But I’m frustrated because the only person I can cause to be different is me. Remember I said that frustration results from the belief that things are unalterable. Maybe that’s not entirely accurate. Maybe frustration arises when the only thing that can change is me — and I don’t want to.”

Ah, it hit home . . . the bullet hit its target.  I felt the hard exterior of my heart crack . . . the hardness caused by bitterness I had seeped all over it, self pity . . . all of it . . . and a glimpse of light slipped in.   How do I become so blind?  This life is not about me and my rights . . . my relationship with God should mean more to me than getting my way.  When I put myself in front of my Saviour . . . that speaks differently than I believe . . . I become unsettled.

My frustration is justifiable . . . there I said it.  But my residing in self-pity, anger, bitterness and judgment . . . not justified. Fine, I’ve been wronged, it hurts . . . I choose, right now, to give it to God and let it go.

Always a work in progress . . . thank you, Jesus, for your unending and faithful grace in my life!