Happy Sunday

Actually it was a really mellow and sorta boring Sunday.

I found time to do some cleaning that I’ve put off for some time.  Organization . . . NOT my strong suite.

I finally rinsed . . . well, actually cleaned the stringy pumpkin guts . . . from the many many many seeds and roasted them (the seeds) up.  We had carved pumpkins a bit early, as in last week, and the seeds were waiting for me.  They turned out fine, I suppose . . . it was more for Justin than myself.  He likes them.  They’re suppose to be good for you . . . ok, I looked it up, cuz I was curious.  They are much like nuts in their nutritional content . . . not that shocking considering nuts are seeds, just bigger. Well, in my tiny little world they are. hehe  Anyhoo . . . for a cup they are almost 300 calories and 12 grams of fat . . . though a cup would be A LOT of seeds! 12% Iron . . . not shabby.  The texture and taste remind me of roasted soy nuts.  Good but super filling.

I’m not sure why I needed to rattle all that off on here.  Thats what 2 hours of my afternoon consisted of, perhaps thats why.

Quit laughing at me.

I picked the last of the squash, beans and tomatoes from my plants today.  I nearly cried.  Surely gardening isn’t suppose to last until mid-October but it did.  I also cut the last of my sunflowers to decorate my house. So uplifting to have them about.

The boys and I walked to the grocery store . . . a whole .7 miles from my house.  That is POINT 7 miles . . . as in less than a mile. I think its 1.4 miles, round trip.  :) I packed what I could and came home.  I really do enjoy walking to accomplish stuff, like grocery shopping.  I loathe when the weather turns rainy for months on end . . . makes it a bit more of task to get outside.

Other than school engulfing Justin to the max . . . 7 days a week . . . and my rather irritating adjustment into that world again . . . everything is as it has been.  But less than a year!! . . . thats consolation to me. That and the grace of my God, good friends and family.  Clinicals, for Justin start this week too.

To pay back all the people that have been so so generous through this season . . . I can’t wait!!

Anyhoooooooo . . . off to bed I go.

Blessings on your week!

One of the fiercely BEAUTIFUL Sunflowers from me garden.  Uh, yeah, they just grow that way.

Come Again . . .

Learning to show grace in every circumstance . . .

We all have, constructed in our brains, social norms and what is acceptable and unacceptable.  I’m not talking about whats harmful and not harmful . . . I’m talking mostly on appearances and first impressions.  I have a set of my own, buried in there.

An instance at the park this morning reminded me how insecure I can be in the face of judgement . . . and how that effects my response.  Without thinking I said some things to my friend, that I walk with on a regular basis, regarding the people involved.  I’ve been thinking about it since and why the people and their actions had badgered out such a response from me.

It wasn’t even that dramatic of an event . . . I was more disturbed by how much it bothered me than anything.

I think we have a choice before responding or having ill feelings take hold . . . choice before words are spoken and ideas and opinions are set that alter how people around you shade your character. Is Jesus being glorified in my words? My actions?

I asked Justin about it after telling him the story and he simply said “grace” . . . you either choose grace or you choose to judge right back.

I am regretful that I didn’t choose the grace bit . . . I truly am.

How do I treat people that don’t look desirable to me?  It should be the same way Jesus treated the lowly tax collectors and prostitutes. With love and grace.

How about people that we think are looking down on us . . .  ?  The same.  There is always more there than meets the eye.

I wanna learn to choose grace!

Have a blessed weekend!!!!

Ain’t No Pansy

I’m sure I’m not the only one, but sometimes . . . ok, a lot of times, I underestimate the power of the God we serve.  Love, grace, mercy, kindness . . . all of that is not mushy.  Behind the soft exterior of those qualities . . . true Godly qualities, lies strength, power and  . . . well, our GOD.

I was reading Ezekiel last night.  Strange book, kind of reminds me of Revelations . . . which I find really hard to read and digest . . . trying to apply it to my everyday.  Maybe we’re not suppose to try to squeeze everything in the Bible into our little spheres . . . doesn’t really work anyway.

ANYWAY . . . The first chapter goes into how God appeared to Ezekiel in a vision.  Its really beautiful, strange and beautiful.  But the overall feeling of it was power.  And it struck how I underestimate my God every day.  I clomp through my day with very little thought to the magnitude of WHO we serve, love and give ourselves to.

The end verse that I read said this:

²⁸ Like the appearance of a rainbow in a cloud on a rainy day, so was the appearance of the brightness all around it. This was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the LORD.

You should go read the whole first chapter, its fascinating, with the creatures and the wings and the eyes.  I should look up and study more of it and find out what some of the scholars/theologians have deemed it means.   But being an ignoramous, it just struck as beauty and power.  Amazing how such a powerful and wise God . . . Omnipotent (omnipresent?) . . . is that the word I’m looking for? . . . sees us in our smallness.  Smallness of existance but also smallness of mind.

I feel challenged to grasp more of who our God is . . . He’s not the tiny, forgive-my-sins-and-live-the-way-I-want-God . . . He’s more, so much more!! And, for what my puny self is worth . . . I give to HIM! 

Hey . . . be encouraged that we aren’t the beginning and the end of all things . . . God is and I love that.  That I’m a piece to the puzzle and not the puzzle.

God Bless your week’s end!

Hope Tastes Real Good!

Psalm 62:1-2

¹ My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.

² He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

Hi there.  Its me again.  I know, you’re shocked and awed . . . I keep coming back.

As the feelings of franticly looking for something to fill the void of loneliness and hopelessness . . . yes, normal people feel hopeless from time to time.  With myself, it is usually when I’m walking distant from God’s presence in my life . . . I haven’t eaten any of the Word of God . . . so as to fill full of the truth and all the other great things that God provides.  Just like starving in the natural . . . there’s a panic, a depletion of strength and motivation to do anything.

I felt those familiar feelings . . . the all-to-recognizable frustration and irritation . . . welling up within me the last few days.

Now, if I lived in a hut of mud in the middle of nowhere, where no one visited, there were none to be dependant on my services  . . . not even a donkey to feed . . . well, those feelings wouldn’t mean a whole lot.

But I have tots that depend on me, a husband that expects effort from me and a household to nurture and reveal the love of God to . . . and if I’m busy being frustrated, yelling and freaking out for no real reason, other than I need a good swift kick in the pants . . . that objective is not being met.

I also have a loving and merciful God that draws me to Himself . . . loves me unconditionally and convicts me out of that very love . . . giving me room to change, the grace to deal and His wisdom to do so.

Brad talked about crossroads in our lives a couple of weeks ago.  Some of those crossroads are big decisions.  We can see and know the correct road to take, but there is a road that seems easier, less hills and all.    And then there are choices we make daily that are mini-crossroads.  Daily I choose to get up and serve God . . . right now in my life, serving God and serving my family are one in the same.  I’m not good at it, but I strive to be better!  There are days that I feel like I dropped the ball completely, but ultimately, I know that I serve and I’m loved by a BIG God that can deal with catching that ball for me and passing it back my way.  Doesn’t mean there aren’t conscequences for my actions . . . but He’ll see me through those things too.

I can rest in HIM.

I hope your week has gone great so far and the rest of your week is fantastic!

God Bless!

Getting Better . . . Knock on Wood

Tobias’ cough was less today, much less . . . Samuel too.  I didn’t blow my nose but 100 times, instead of 50000000 times.  

Justin, 2 days ago, complained about a pretty severe headache and neck pain.  I massaged his neck cuz I can be nice like that, and I didn’t hear much more about it.  By the next morning . . . he hurt so bad he went to his Anatomy and Physiology class but came home an hour later . . . could hardly function the headache was so bad.  He slept off and on throughout the day, coming out to use the restroom, run his stuffed up head under hot water and go back to bed.  Yesterday was his scheduled shift.  He took an available pain med and went . . . he’s a stud, you know . . . and, nearly overdosing on pain meds (major exaggeration), he finally left shift at 8pm and was headed to Urgent Care.  The headache, which he was now calling a migraine, was intense; crippling.  

Urgent care was closed by that time so he made the hard decision to go to the ER.  Hard decision only because of the expense.  

Two hours later he came home with an antibiotic and stronger, much stronger, pain meds.  

Apparently the sinus infection we all had didn’t drain properly with him and the pressure was immense!  Anyone that knows Justin and his work ethic knows there’s nearly nothing that will keep him from his responsibilities . . . 

But, but today he is nearly 24 hours into being on antibiotics and pain meds, obviously, have kicked in.  He is feeling much better.

So, when I say we are getting better . . . its all of us! 

I’m grateful to God for HIS faithfulness to us and the ability to have medical care when needed!  So many ways of healing, not just miraculous, but the knowledge that HE’s allowed doctors and the like to possess . . . for the good it does.  I’m also extremely grateful for the favor shown through his Anatomy and Physiology instructor.  There is no reason Justin should have been able to put off two whole tests this week, due to this illness, but he has and he’s not docking him points either.  Thank you, Jesus!

God Bless!

Coughing and All That

Unfortunately . . . my boys are still coughing.  Mostly Tobias.  I think I might have to make a doctor appointment for him.  I don’t like going to the doctor for them to tell me to just let it run its course . . . but I also don’t like that were going on the 4th day of hacking a lung and no relief in sight.

Justin is on shift today.  The day doesn’t go much different than normal . . . its just the finality of knowing he’ll be gone all day . . . and all night.  Most of the time its just background in my mind . . . some days I don’t care at all for the 24 hours of no-J.

Someone . . . I won’t mention who . . . either turned the heat down so very low or completely off, last night.  It wasn’t me, so I’m assuming it was the other adult in the house.  I’m still cold.

The weather outside is pure rain.  Cold.  And some more rain.  I don’t think we’ll be spending a whole lot of time outdoors today, if at all.

I got 9 hours of sleep and I’m tired today . . . too much sleep??  I don’t get it.  9 hours of solid sleep.  I don’t think thats happened in months.

The pettiness of life.   But in all the dreariness that drags on in life . . . I have a brilliance that never goes out.  I don’t create it but I accept it.  Jesus just keeps on providing mercy, grace, truth and love to our family.  I give HIM the glory, you know.  I can look back and see my life fit together like a God-made puzzle . . . but I doubt now how HE’s managing my life?  Everytime I lean on my own understanding, I feel lost, void.  I’ve doing way too much of that lately and need to look to HIS understanding . . . trust HIM in all things.  The world has never offered me anything worth anything . . .  except emptiness.  So, today, I try, in my frail human attempts, to put HIM first . . . again, and again.

If you haven’t noticed, its a circle of sorts . . . the need to do the same thing when life starts getting to me.  If life is getting to me, God is not my focus!

God Bless the rest of your week!

My House is Quiet

Boys are sleeping.  Justin is off running errands and cleaning the car out . . . boy has a hard time sitting still.  Ah well, I do enough of it for both of us. 

I’m really not suppose to be on here.  There is a load of stuff to do prior to our trip to Vegas and Christmas day spent at my sister’s house but here I am. 

I will admit to you that I enjoy going over previous posts . . . ok, in my own blog.  I’m a dork like that.  It encourages me, a lot, to see where I’ve been, even last week, and how God has come through for us time and again.

I ran across this post and thought I’d put it in the forefront.  I have to constantly remind myself of this.  And, I’d like to add that I really don’t derive a bunch of great stuff from hard times of perseverance if I’m not rooting myself in the Word and praying through it. Grace, true grace from our God has to reign in order for hope to come of all this that we face in the world.  And, I’d like to say that none of my experiences, nothing I write in this pathetic little blog of Mother Tucker thoughts is new, is unique or inclusive to me.  I know people face similar difficulties and hard times . . . if not much more difficult and hard than my own.  I hope that, if anything this blog can point to Jesus as the hope producer . . . through the trials, HE is our provision. 

I love Jesus!!!  . . . with all that I am.  I don’t mind if I’m considered a simpleton due to this fact of my life.  He is all that I know for certain in his world.

God Bless!

Gotta Keep Lovin’

Some things people do hurt.  They just do.  They were meant to hurt and do and therefor you have options with that particular circumstance . . . forgive or keep that little offense, like a seedling, buried . . . water that thing a bit, fertilize while you’re at . . . all the negative thoughts, loathing and refusing to let God till the soil of your heart . . .

. . . And then BOOM!  that thing is the biggest, stinking prickliest thistle weed that you ever did see . . . poking and diluting all the other aspects of your life . . . its roots choke out good things God has done and steals your very purpose of life . . .

The thing that has just popped into my view finder today is an offense I’ve fostered . . . its not a quick growing, nor is as definable as the above.  One offense and you deal or don’t deal.  You know exactly where it started and you can trace that root back to the beginning.

I can still trace the root back but this is something thats gone on for a year or so and its all these minor offenses and I think I’ve let them go, until it happens again and the way I react shows me that there is no way under heaven I had dealt with that fully.

I blamed this person for not holding up her end of the bargain . . . no worries, no one that reads this goofy blog . . . and all along I had let my end drop . . . and, on top of that I kept score of who was dropping what and why and analyzing and judging every move this person made.  I took so much personally and literally that was, either not meant that way at all, or shouldn’t of even been on my radar, if my eyes were where they were suppose to be . . . on Jesus and what HE’s given me to do . . . which, to clarify, is not to judge others.

For goodness sakes . . . I could take the rest of my life and log every sin and stuff God has forgiven me for . . . I don’t think I want to though.  Lets just say that I’ve witnessed and have been the recipient of undeserved grace . . . and my only commission, within that, is to give it right back out . . . grace, people, have grace and mercy on the person and people in your life. One day you will need their understanding and faithfulness. And, the cherry on top, we gain more forgiveness and mercy from the ONE it matters most from, Jesus!

So big and small . . . let us let go of the offenses today . . . seek God in understanding and letting go of our rights and grasping HIS mercy, love and forgiveness . . . in all, remember what God has done for us, forgiven us, lets give that right back out, eh!

Alright end of preaching  . . .

God Bless!

Who Me?

I always considered myself a bit of a loner. I do have friends, good ones too, but the group setting thing . . . well, just ain’t me. I avoid small group settings, not intentionally (well, sometimes) but I just don’t make an effort. The excuses come easier and more logically with kids.

But I also have noticed a sharp decline in my interest in reading the Bible and when I do I’m having a hard time gleaning much and really studying it. So, what do you do to amp that up? Pray about it, obviously. And that I’m doing. But also I have placed myself, with the urging of my good friend, in a Bible study. I have a pretty strong need to delve deeper and what better way?

Plus, maybe I’ll obtain some of the socialite bug I was born without and make some new friends a long the way. We’ll see.

It is a Beth Moore (I had never heard of her but apparently she’s well known) Bible study and it is on the Psalms of Ascent, 15 chapters in the middle of the book of Psalms. I went this morning and it was good, much depth to be had. Now I have home work every day until next week . . . pressure to study, that is what I need.

Something struck me the other day and created all these nice warm fuzzies and maybe a few tears. I was standing in worship service Sunday morning and I was singing and having a intermittent conversation with God . . . just praising HIM in my mind but I was approaching HIM like I was getting to know HIM (which is I still am) and it hit me . . . or, I guess you could say, I felt God spoke to me . . . pointing out that I had known HIM, as my personal savior for 25 years. I distinctly remember asking HIM into my heart when I was six years old. I also remember, vividly, knowing HE was with me and loved me and feeling HIS presence whilst growing up. I could go on and on about the sacrifices of my mom and dad and the fact they presented a true representation of Christ to me . . . paving a way for me, but I’ll spare ya. It just took me by surprise that I have called Jesus friend, savior and Abba for 25 years! He’s walked with me and guided my steps . . . oh so very clear when looking back to see HIS hand on my life. Thankful just doesn’t cover it! But looking back and acknowledging HIM throughout my life also creates a sense of rest and a peace . . . knowing HE is still guiding my steps and covering me presently.

Just thoughts that are flowing in my pea-brain today.

God bless!

Unexpected Generosity

Since Justin and I have embarked on this journey of school and deciding to make a go at something more than we had . . . all orchestrated by the One that loves us so much.  We saw doors open, things come together and we’ve seen Justin excel at what God has given him to do.

No, we’re not becoming world traveled missionaries or even in “ministry”, as we know it in the Christian closed-minded way.  Justin will serve though . . . serve in individual’s hour of emergency and physical need.  He chooses and will choose to put himself on the line for others, almost, on a daily basis.  I have always admired firemen and other civil servant positions but with it being so close to home I have an expanded admiration.

We don’t take credit . . . we never will. Just like any “calling” in life, God orchestrated it, coordinated it and allowed us the drive and ambition to make the best of it.  How can we take credit . . .He created us, it is His work that blood runs in our veins and we have the people in our lives that we do. Again and again I have seen him connect people in a supernatural way . . . my being married to Justin falls in that category.

All that said, I started this blog with a dim hope I would allow a piece of myself to show that I don’t necessarily allow to show always . . . being slightly shy . . . also connecting with family, friends and just talking (typing).  I’m on my own quite a bit and so the outlet is an excellent release for me.  I heard somewhere women have to get so many thousands of words in a day or their heads will explode . . . ok, I made up the head exploding thing.

After getting into it I have enjoyed other benefits . . . really getting to know my friends and family that I already thought I knew, finding a real joy in writing (I didn’t say writing well) and really finding myself in a way, my beliefs and integrity solidified somewhat.

This week though I had a friend, that I actually met on this very blog, reach out to me in a way that touched me deeply.

Sometimes you see in others qualities that you would like to attain and make your own.  This is one of those times and people.  Not just because I got something I wanted but because of the thoughtful gesture and the motivation behind it . . . no strings, here you go, enjoy.

So, you know who your are, thank you again!

God Bless!