Hopeful

I’m gonna do a whole lot quoting from Oswald Chambers . . . still my favorite book besides the Bible.

“For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.” ~James 2:10

The moral law does not consider us as weak human being at all, it takes no account of our heredity and infirmities, it demands that we be absolutely moral.  The moral law never alters, either for the noblest or for the weakest, it is eternally and abidingly the same.  The moral law ordained by God does not make itself weak to the weak, it does not palliate our shortcomings, it remains absolute for all times and eternity.  If we do not realize this, it is because we are less than alive; immediately we are alive, life becomes a tragedy.  ”I was alive without the law once: but when the commandment came, sin revived, and I died.”  When we realize this, then the Spirit of God convicts us of sin.  Until a man gets there and sees that there is no hope, the Cross of Jesus Christ is a farce to him.  Conviction of sin always brings a fearful binding sense of the law, it makes a man hopeless – “sold under sin.”  I, a guilty sinner, can never get right with God, it is impossible.  There is only one way in which I can get right with God, and that is by the Death of Jesus Christ.  I must get rid of the lurking idea that I can ever be right with God because of my obedience – which of us could ever obey God to absolute perfection!

We only realize the power of the moral law when it comes with and “if”. God never coerces us.  In one mood we wish He would make us do the thing, and in another mood we wish He would leave us alone.  Whenever God’s will is in the ascendant, all compulsion is gone.  When we choose deliberately to obey Him, then He will tax the remotest star and the last grain of sand to assist us with all His almighty power.

Can one be convicted about the condemnation? haahaa . . . I think I’m feeling this message because I easily get off base . . . making my relationship with God based on my performance . . . obedience equalling love and acceptance . . . instead of the obedience being out of love for Jesus . . . already at peace with my standing in Him.  I cannot earn the forgiveness and mercy of God.  Good thing too.

This next one goes right along with the last one . . . I can’t help it . . . I’m typing it . . . you can’t stop me.

“Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect . . . . “ ~Philippians 3:12

It is a snare to imagine that God wants to make us perfect specimens of what He can do; God’s purpose is to make us one with Himself.  The emphasis of holiness movements is apt to be that God is producing specimens of holiness to put in His museum.  If you go off on this idea of personal holiness, the dead-set of your life will not be for God, but for what you call the manifestation of God in your life.  ”it can never be God’s will that I should be sick.”  If it was God’s will to bruise His own Son, why should He not bruise you?  The thing that tells for God is not your relevant consistency to an idea of what a saint should be, but your real vital relation to Jesus Christ, and your abandonment to Him whether you are well or ill.

Christian perfection is not, and never can be, human perfection.  Christian perfection is the perfection of a relationship to God which shows itself amid the irrelevancies of human life.  When you obey the call of Jesus Christ, the first thing that strikes you is the irrelevancy of the things you have to do, and the next thing that strikes you is the fact that other people seem to be living perfectly consistent lives.  Such lives are apt to leave you with the idea that God is unnecessary, by human effort and devotion we can reach the standard God wants.  In a fallen world this can never be done.  I am called to live in perfect relation to God so that my life produces a longing after God in other lives, not admiration for myself.  Thoughts about myself hinder my usefulness to God.  God is not after perfection me to be a specimen in His showroom; He is getting me to the place where He can use me.  Let Him do what He likes.

Am I the only one that has a picture of what I am suppose to look like when I’m following God correctly?  If I don’t live up to that image . . . well, I question my God and my relationship with Him . . . not because of Him but because of my inability to be what I perceive he wants from me.  A lot of that image has to do with how people see me and perceive me.  My thoughts are usually forming around me and my appearance.

In the past few months I’ve been running on fumes, if running at all.  I have all but given up on creating that image . . . being that I’ve been saved since I was six or so, though the image in my mind has shifted and formed, it remains generally the same.

I have never once fulfilled that image and I’m tired of trying, truthfully.

What I do want and desire in this life is an honest relationship with Jesus Christ . . . not that I haven’t had that in snipits in the past . . . one that is not defined by what church I attend or what program I’m contributing to or whether or not I say or do all the right things.  I believe I’m at a place in my life where God is asking me to lay down the image and take up only my relationship with Him . . . a relationship, I unfortunately haven’t cultivated lately.

Happy Sunday

Actually it was a really mellow and sorta boring Sunday.

I found time to do some cleaning that I’ve put off for some time.  Organization . . . NOT my strong suite.

I finally rinsed . . . well, actually cleaned the stringy pumpkin guts . . . from the many many many seeds and roasted them (the seeds) up.  We had carved pumpkins a bit early, as in last week, and the seeds were waiting for me.  They turned out fine, I suppose . . . it was more for Justin than myself.  He likes them.  They’re suppose to be good for you . . . ok, I looked it up, cuz I was curious.  They are much like nuts in their nutritional content . . . not that shocking considering nuts are seeds, just bigger. Well, in my tiny little world they are. hehe  Anyhoo . . . for a cup they are almost 300 calories and 12 grams of fat . . . though a cup would be A LOT of seeds! 12% Iron . . . not shabby.  The texture and taste remind me of roasted soy nuts.  Good but super filling.

I’m not sure why I needed to rattle all that off on here.  Thats what 2 hours of my afternoon consisted of, perhaps thats why.

Quit laughing at me.

I picked the last of the squash, beans and tomatoes from my plants today.  I nearly cried.  Surely gardening isn’t suppose to last until mid-October but it did.  I also cut the last of my sunflowers to decorate my house. So uplifting to have them about.

The boys and I walked to the grocery store . . . a whole .7 miles from my house.  That is POINT 7 miles . . . as in less than a mile. I think its 1.4 miles, round trip.  :) I packed what I could and came home.  I really do enjoy walking to accomplish stuff, like grocery shopping.  I loathe when the weather turns rainy for months on end . . . makes it a bit more of task to get outside.

Other than school engulfing Justin to the max . . . 7 days a week . . . and my rather irritating adjustment into that world again . . . everything is as it has been.  But less than a year!! . . . thats consolation to me. That and the grace of my God, good friends and family.  Clinicals, for Justin start this week too.

To pay back all the people that have been so so generous through this season . . . I can’t wait!!

Anyhoooooooo . . . off to bed I go.

Blessings on your week!

One of the fiercely BEAUTIFUL Sunflowers from me garden.  Uh, yeah, they just grow that way.

Smile . . .

There’s a lot of just downright depressing stuff in this world.

I was searching, intronet style, yesterday for something regarding USA History . . . just reading and looking at photographs and came across a blog . . . which I’m sure I could go find again, if need be . . . with poignant photographs, national and international, of starving children in the face of famine, immigrant mothers struggling as a field workers, wars and the effects regarding.

Harsh to look at . . . I ended that blog post crying and feeling the starkness of humanity . . . the fragility of mankind. But also to look at where I am, who I am and all that I’ve been blessed with.  If I could, in my tiny little sphere of living, create a positive influence . . . from the simple smile to the passerby to buying groceries for someone who needs it to just choosing grace above judging my fellow man.

Do everything readily and cheerfully—no bickering, no second-guessing allowed! Go out into the world uncorrupted, a breath of fresh air in this squalid and polluted society. Provide people with a glimpse of good living and of the living God. Carry the light-giving Message into the night so I’ll have good cause to be proud of you on the day that Christ returns. You’ll be living proof that I didn’t go to all this work for nothing. ~Philippians 2:14 (Message Bible)

Perhaps, there will be a time, later in life, that I can give . . . do more, in God’s will and grace.  But, instead of getting depressed by the overwhelming awareness of human fragility and cruelty . . . I want to love extravagantly the people in my life, forgive easily, be in love with my Savior, the very pureness of truth, love and light.

He said, “That you love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and muscle and intelligence—and that you love your neighbor as well as you do yourself.” ~Luke 10:27 (Message Bible)

My neighbor is more than just my physical neighbor . . . more than my friends . . . my family . . . or people that I can identify with and like instantly.  Pretty sure the Bible is referring to anyone put in our path.  If we get our feathers ruffled with a person or circumstance its because that person or situation has violated our rights . . . has gone against our image of ourselves, our identity . . . playing on our self-esteem perhaps. Or the person just does not add up to what we would desire in a human being, as a friend or acquaintance.

“Here is a simple rule of thumb for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you; then grab the initiative and do it for them! If you only love the lovable, do you expect a pat on the back? Run-of-the-mill sinners do that. If you only help those who help you, do you expect a medal? Garden-variety sinners do that. If you only give for what you hope to get out of it, do you think that’s charity? The stingiest of pawnbrokers does that. ~Luke 6:31 (Message Bible)

Hey . . . I’m just sharing thoughts regarding myself and how I think . . . stuff I’m pretty convicted on this week.  I’ve been disappointed in how I’ve reacted to a few circumstances/people this week . . . even in my own family unit.  My humanity just makes me wanna get closer to God . . . rest my head on His chest, arms around his neck; like a child. I’m tired of not getting it right . . . I’m tired of trying, in my own strength to be Christ-like. It isn’t possible.  Fake it for awhile, but in reality . . . it ain’t happenin’ unless I’m letting Him into all those areas . . . trusting, like a child to a Father, Him to be that close . . . to heal, to deliver, to walk with me even when I don’t see Him, feel Him or hear Him.

Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life. Those who trust God’s action in them find that God’s Spirit is in them—living and breathing God! Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Focusing on the self is the opposite of focusing on God. Anyone completely absorbed in self ignores God, ends up thinking more about self than God. That person ignores who God is and what he is doing. And God isn’t pleased at being ignored. ~Romans 8:5 (Message Bible)

So thats the random thoughts floating through my brain today . . . that and the coffee I brewed today tastes so so good!

mmm . . . coffee!

Faithful

I’m as shallow and self-serving as the next person.  I am wishy washy . . . strong, passionate and in love with my Savior one minute and watching out for my own interests the very next minute . . . pettiness and the cares of this world choking out the very One that I feel is the only one worth striving for!  What is all this worth, without my Maker by my side?? What is it all worth . . . no matter the status, the money, the perfect looking family (none of which I possess anyway but the striving for) if I let the world’s bitterness infiltrate my heart and degrate it from the inside out??

I don’t wanna gain the whole world, but lose my soul -Toby Mac song

There is absolutely nothing that takes the place of my Savior! Nothing! I have tested and tried the love of my God . . . He has never quit me . . . He will never quit on me!  I cannot fail Him.  So again, I rest in His presence . . . again, I give up on doing it myself and fixing myself . . . and let Him in . . . no matter how messy my house, I refuse to shut Him out of parts of my heart.  He already knows anyway . . . there is no secret from Him! I relax and say “I love you God, because you loved me first . . . and you never quit on me!”

Psalm 136 in The Message Bible

^1-3 Thank God! He deserves your thanks. His love never quits.
Thank the God of all gods,
His love never quits.
Thank the Lord of all lords.
His love never quits.

^4-22 Thank the miracle-working God,
His love never quits.
The God whose skill formed the cosmos,
His love never quits.
The God who laid out earth on ocean foundations,
His love never quits.
The God who filled the skies with light,
His love never quits.
The sun to watch over the day,
His love never quits.
Moon and stars as guardians of the night,
His love never quits.
The God who struck down the Egyptian firstborn,
His love never quits.
And rescued Israel from Egypt’s oppression,
His love never quits.
Took Israel in hand with his powerful hand,
His love never quits.
Split the Red Sea right in half,
His love never quits.
Led Israel right through the middle,
His love never quits.
Dumped Pharaoh and his army in the sea,
His love never quits.
The God who marched his people through the desert,
His love never quits.
Smashed huge kingdoms right and left,
His love never quits.
Struck down the famous kings,
His love never quits.
Struck Sihon the Amorite king,
His love never quits.
Struck Og the Bashanite king,
His love never quits.
Then distributed their land as booty,
His love never quits.
Handed the land over to Israel.
His love never quits.

I see the overtaking kingdoms and the striking of kings as the impossibles of that time . . . God is the God of doing the impossible!

^23-26 God remembered us when we were down,
His love never quits.
Rescued us from the trampling boot,
His love never quits.
Takes care of everyone in time of need.
His love never quits.
Thank God, who did it all!
His love never quits!

I am absolutely in love with God’s heart.  He sees the unseen person in the crowd . . . he knows hearts, not just the fronts people shove up for one another to stare at.  He’s not into popularity contests or even fitting in to any culture, per se.  He is who He is!  He is truth, light, love and all the goodness in between.

Thank you, Jesus, for never quitting on me!  Allow me to bring you glory in all that You have given me to do!

Be encouraged . . . I am a nobody, I don’t carry visible talents that people are envious of, I don’t have good looks and money to spare.  I drive a mini-van and I’m home, humbly raising my boys . . . and I even struggle with that from time to time.  I screw up a lot.  But I know that I know I am loved.  He is the anchor for my soul . . . my resting place . . . my strong tower.  Don’t let lies of the enemy convince you you are not worthy of God’s love . . . you are!

If I am, you are definitely worthy!!  All it takes is faith . . . and giving yourself to Him . . . the most trustworthy . . . seek Him and all else will fall into place!

Rest.

Ain’t No Pansy

I’m sure I’m not the only one, but sometimes . . . ok, a lot of times, I underestimate the power of the God we serve.  Love, grace, mercy, kindness . . . all of that is not mushy.  Behind the soft exterior of those qualities . . . true Godly qualities, lies strength, power and  . . . well, our GOD.

I was reading Ezekiel last night.  Strange book, kind of reminds me of Revelations . . . which I find really hard to read and digest . . . trying to apply it to my everyday.  Maybe we’re not suppose to try to squeeze everything in the Bible into our little spheres . . . doesn’t really work anyway.

ANYWAY . . . The first chapter goes into how God appeared to Ezekiel in a vision.  Its really beautiful, strange and beautiful.  But the overall feeling of it was power.  And it struck how I underestimate my God every day.  I clomp through my day with very little thought to the magnitude of WHO we serve, love and give ourselves to.

The end verse that I read said this:

²⁸ Like the appearance of a rainbow in a cloud on a rainy day, so was the appearance of the brightness all around it. This was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the LORD.

You should go read the whole first chapter, its fascinating, with the creatures and the wings and the eyes.  I should look up and study more of it and find out what some of the scholars/theologians have deemed it means.   But being an ignoramous, it just struck as beauty and power.  Amazing how such a powerful and wise God . . . Omnipotent (omnipresent?) . . . is that the word I’m looking for? . . . sees us in our smallness.  Smallness of existance but also smallness of mind.

I feel challenged to grasp more of who our God is . . . He’s not the tiny, forgive-my-sins-and-live-the-way-I-want-God . . . He’s more, so much more!! And, for what my puny self is worth . . . I give to HIM! 

Hey . . . be encouraged that we aren’t the beginning and the end of all things . . . God is and I love that.  That I’m a piece to the puzzle and not the puzzle.

God Bless your week’s end!

Hope Tastes Real Good!

Psalm 62:1-2

¹ My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.

² He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

Hi there.  Its me again.  I know, you’re shocked and awed . . . I keep coming back.

As the feelings of franticly looking for something to fill the void of loneliness and hopelessness . . . yes, normal people feel hopeless from time to time.  With myself, it is usually when I’m walking distant from God’s presence in my life . . . I haven’t eaten any of the Word of God . . . so as to fill full of the truth and all the other great things that God provides.  Just like starving in the natural . . . there’s a panic, a depletion of strength and motivation to do anything.

I felt those familiar feelings . . . the all-to-recognizable frustration and irritation . . . welling up within me the last few days.

Now, if I lived in a hut of mud in the middle of nowhere, where no one visited, there were none to be dependant on my services  . . . not even a donkey to feed . . . well, those feelings wouldn’t mean a whole lot.

But I have tots that depend on me, a husband that expects effort from me and a household to nurture and reveal the love of God to . . . and if I’m busy being frustrated, yelling and freaking out for no real reason, other than I need a good swift kick in the pants . . . that objective is not being met.

I also have a loving and merciful God that draws me to Himself . . . loves me unconditionally and convicts me out of that very love . . . giving me room to change, the grace to deal and His wisdom to do so.

Brad talked about crossroads in our lives a couple of weeks ago.  Some of those crossroads are big decisions.  We can see and know the correct road to take, but there is a road that seems easier, less hills and all.    And then there are choices we make daily that are mini-crossroads.  Daily I choose to get up and serve God . . . right now in my life, serving God and serving my family are one in the same.  I’m not good at it, but I strive to be better!  There are days that I feel like I dropped the ball completely, but ultimately, I know that I serve and I’m loved by a BIG God that can deal with catching that ball for me and passing it back my way.  Doesn’t mean there aren’t conscequences for my actions . . . but He’ll see me through those things too.

I can rest in HIM.

I hope your week has gone great so far and the rest of your week is fantastic!

God Bless!

Mercy Mercy

I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for he hath clothed me with the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decketh himself with ornaments, and as a bride adorneth herself with her jewels.

Isaiah 61:10

I had originally wrote a post here . . . complaining and whining and pointing fingers at my mate for stuff.  Then realizing minutes later, after publishing it, that it was my attitude that stunk . . . my view that was off.  Even if there is wrongs . . . I’m only responsible for my own actions, my own words and my own heart attitude.

So I stepped back . . . I got a grip . . . and I love the way my God loves me, unconditionally.  And that is what I choose to give because I have experienced it first hand.

He, despite my blackness of heart, wiped the slate clean . . . and continues to do so daily, when I come to HIM. I have a hard time, in my finite mind, fathoming that kind of love . . . most of the time I cannot . . . I just believe.  I guess thats what faith is.

I’m not sure quite how I’d cope with life without God leading and consuming my every path.

God is so so so so so so so so so so SO (etc) good to us.  Man alive! He’s good to us!!

His love has never failed me . . . I always find hope in His presence!!

Have a great week!!

God Bless!

Life

My biggest guilt in this life is that I take for granted each day that  I am given, way more than one should be allowed.

I fall into a line of thinking that this is the way its going to be for . . . well . . . forever.  Home, consumed with toddlers, which is great 85% of the time, the other 15% I feel the crazy coming on.

I went to Life Group . . . one my home church puts on in Albany . . . its the first time I had made it down.  I was so blessed!  And reminded that kids do grow up.  Not that I dislike having small kids, cuz I don’t . . . a lot of it is thoroughly enjoyable.  But when I am home all day every day with them, my selfish human nature peeks through . . . or just flips the curtain back and does a little dance of irritation.

I am just in a season.  We, Justin and I, are just in a season of our lives.

AND I don’t want to come out of this time, this precious, once-in-a-life-time, time with my boys and regret not taking the moments in . . . relaxing and enjoying, as well as shaping and molding.

Also, I was reminded, that the bar of excellence . . . virtue and living right for God . . . does not get lowered because I’m home, behind closed doors.  But also that there is a loving God . . . not a condemning God . . . that wants the best for us . . . knows whats best for us.

So, what I’m saying is . . . I feel hope and grace today and I’m grateful to my God for this!  I will enjoy my kids, my hubby and my goofy gym time . . . but also enjoy this amazing, laid back time, to get to know my God and just relax in him.

What season are you in?  Where is God in all of it?  I want God at the center and to be the reason for all of this life work!

God Bless!

My youngest. 

Provision

I want to take this moment to say . . . God has provided all that we need, again.

I don’t know why I get to a place that I doubt HIS soveriegnty and blessing in our lives, but I do at points.  But all is paid up to date, as of today, and I praise HIM!!

I know money and stuff is just that, stuff . . . little in comparison to HIS glory and love in our lives.  But it sure reminds me of what a personable and detailed God we do serve!

I love my God!

Have a great Friday! . . . and a fantastic weekend!

Getting Better . . . Knock on Wood

Tobias’ cough was less today, much less . . . Samuel too.  I didn’t blow my nose but 100 times, instead of 50000000 times.  

Justin, 2 days ago, complained about a pretty severe headache and neck pain.  I massaged his neck cuz I can be nice like that, and I didn’t hear much more about it.  By the next morning . . . he hurt so bad he went to his Anatomy and Physiology class but came home an hour later . . . could hardly function the headache was so bad.  He slept off and on throughout the day, coming out to use the restroom, run his stuffed up head under hot water and go back to bed.  Yesterday was his scheduled shift.  He took an available pain med and went . . . he’s a stud, you know . . . and, nearly overdosing on pain meds (major exaggeration), he finally left shift at 8pm and was headed to Urgent Care.  The headache, which he was now calling a migraine, was intense; crippling.  

Urgent care was closed by that time so he made the hard decision to go to the ER.  Hard decision only because of the expense.  

Two hours later he came home with an antibiotic and stronger, much stronger, pain meds.  

Apparently the sinus infection we all had didn’t drain properly with him and the pressure was immense!  Anyone that knows Justin and his work ethic knows there’s nearly nothing that will keep him from his responsibilities . . . 

But, but today he is nearly 24 hours into being on antibiotics and pain meds, obviously, have kicked in.  He is feeling much better.

So, when I say we are getting better . . . its all of us! 

I’m grateful to God for HIS faithfulness to us and the ability to have medical care when needed!  So many ways of healing, not just miraculous, but the knowledge that HE’s allowed doctors and the like to possess . . . for the good it does.  I’m also extremely grateful for the favor shown through his Anatomy and Physiology instructor.  There is no reason Justin should have been able to put off two whole tests this week, due to this illness, but he has and he’s not docking him points either.  Thank you, Jesus!

God Bless!