Yep, you guessed it . . . its shift day in the Tucker house . . . meaning Justin is fulfilling his time at the fire house and we are here . . .
I’ve managed to loose my keys, so I’m also home-bound. Very very home bound. The youngest son’s shoes are in the van . . . the unlocked but armed van. I see the sun peeking out from the clouds . . . holy carp, its getting sunny out! I might have to set the van’s alarm off for the shoes . . . worth it?
Its been a long and bit of a lonely week for me. Justin is finishing up final projects and he is, as I’ve already stated, on shift today. He also has shift Monday.
Ugh
So, as proud as I am of him . . . and as grateful as I am that he is such a hard worker, allowing me to remain home with my boys . . . I’m a bit burned out today. I think I might be in need of a tot break . . . and not just for an hour and a half while they sleep in the middle of the day.
Which is what they are suppose to be doing right now and I hear Tobias in there, 45 min after I laid him down, still whining. I’ve been in there checking on him and he’s fine . . . apparently just not sleepy. He still does his time . . .momma rules.
This day has proven to be carppy. I know I’m suppose to look for the blessing and the lesson out of everything but sometimes that just ain’t so.
Tobias is 3 years old and has gotten into a funk of rebellion (for lack of a better word) that is about to send me over the edge. He defies me constantly and does stuff he knows he’s not suppose to do. He has started to tell me “NO” and follow it up with a tantrum if I make him . . . I still make him. I’m not going into how we have decided to parent and how we discipline and all of that . . . but he has gotten his fair share of discipline, especially the last few weeks.
I am a very hands on type person. I love to hold my kids, hug them, kiss them, etc. In a good, wholesome way. So they get plenty of that. And I love to read to them . . . gives me an excuse to hold them and they sit in my lap for longer stints.
My nerves were frayed this morning due to Tobias’ assertion of his personal will and Samuel, coming up on 2 years old, doing the same . . . just on a lesser plain.
I decide a walk is necessary and, fighting back my own attitude, I start getting the kiddos ready and head out to the van, praying a door is unlocked.
Yep, the driver’s side door is unlocked . . . bonus.
Or NOT . . . the horn alarm starts blaring. An alarm that I was told was disengaged when we took the van . . . one that I had never heard operate since we’d owned it . . . going on 2 years. Oh, it works and loudly too.
I forget the shoes . . . since I was taken off guard and scoot back inside . . . a little embarrassed. Ok, a lot embarrassed . . . why is that embarrassing? I hear you asking this.
It doesn’t take much to embarrass me. Ok, stop laughing.
And, I’m apparently, allergic to car alarms . . . especially when I set them off because I start to hyper ventilate (for lack of a better analogy) and cry . . . a lot. This has never happened before with car alarms, so it must be a new allergy. Which, in this hormonal point in the month, crying doesn’t take much. But I was. And Tobias is watching me, unfortunately, asking me why I was crying . . . which didn’t help and, since I couldn’t stop, I eventually retreated to my room and emailed Justin . . . which always makes it better. I don’t know why . . . it just does.
Am I revealing a little too much, of how human I am. Oh well . . . there are other blogs to read if you don’t like it. I feel the need to vent . . . and this is my blog.
Yeah, my keys are on hiatus somewhere amidst my messy home, so the alarm blared for several minutes before shutting itself off.
Nice.
So I got over it. Called my mom and unloaded on her but didn’t cry again, since there was no real reason to cry anyway. She just laughed and told me it would get better and Justin won’t be in school forever, etc etc etc. All very encouraging and I appreciated it so much. Even that she was willing to sit there and listen to me complain and moan was enough to lessen the magnified loneliness that the morning fostered.
Also, this is the simplified version. I didn’t mention that it rained here yesterday so all my ant friends decided they needed to pay me a visit today . . . yeah, I thought I had divorced them but they came back full force once their little ant nest was flooded outside. I feel used. So I vacuumed ants and killed ants and then got the restraining order out (ant traps) that I had been hording for this very day. I found them on the wall near my potted plants . . . they do love a well-watered potted plant. And in my room where a lone spoon had been left by my true love last night after he ate peanut butter off of it. Grrr. Does anyone else eat spoonfuls of peanut butter? I did when I was pregnant, it aided the 50 lb weight gain with Samuel . . .
Wow, this is one lengthy blog post. I apologize and, I also, commend you. Kudos to you.
God Bless you as well.
Bad days come and go but God is faithful through it all. If you wanna call this a bad day. I think it could be much worse. Maybe what I need is a good dose of perspective.