Mother Tucker

The time thingy majig on my wordpress blog is screwed up and I, in my ultra limited computer experience, have yet to figure out how to correct it.  I’ve changed it but it still reflects the wrong time of day.

So, take my word for it, its getting late here in the Tucker house.  Hubby Tucker is on shift and won’t be home til late tomorrow afternoon, hopefully.

I’ve been putting together a photo book and have yet to fully conclude that it is the best option for me.  I almost miss buying albums and shoving photo prints in them just to take up time that I should be doing laundry or scrubbing toilets . . . something, the scrubbing bit, I should do more of.

I think, actually, its taking me more time to put these virtual photo albums together to pay someone else to print them, and mail them.  Hmmm.  Food for thought. Now if I went back, got together the prints I wanted and went in search of a pretty little photo album, it would be double the time! Aaack!

Who cares . . . time is something I have a tiny bit of right now anyway; in general.  Decisions decisions.

So, off to bed I go.  Up bright and early with the tots . . . and the neighbors, but mostly the tots. Oh, to clarify, sorry . . . I have upstairs neighbors in this apartment complex . . . yeah, thats all I’m gonna say about that.

Ok, nighty night!

God Bless!

My Tots are morning people . . . I don’t smile like that until I’ve drained half the coffee pot.

Mother’s Day . . . a day I attribute to my mother, not me.  I’ve been a mother only 3 years, and only to 2 children.  My mother has been a mother for 32 years, going on 33 years on June, and she’s been a fantastic mom to 7 kids, and one more added when she was a teenager; so 8 kids.  We’re all grown up and moved out now but she still takes up responsibility for us when we get in a pickle . . . more or less financially, anymore.  But her moral support and wisdom take the cake.  The older I get the more I’m aware of our similarities and quirks that mirror each others . . .  I’m sure I’m mirroring her more than the other way around . . .

That’s my momma on the left (obviously) and daddy and he’s holding Braxton, my nephew . . . and then Samuel is in my mom’s lap and Tobias is there too. This was July of last year, so a bit dated.

So my thoughts are with my mom today. Of course the card I bought was late being mailed so she won’t get until Tuesday or something but its the thought, right.  And I have a reputation to uphold here, you know.

I woke up this morning and my husband had beat me to the punch; getting the alert kiddos out of their cribs, feeding them, changing them, etc.  I went walk/jogging cuz I was feeling mighty guilty about the pizza I ate last night and I like to walk by myself . . . well, by myself with Bonko Byron

Yep, Bonko Byron . . . that would be the white streak of white off to your right.

Ah, it was a beautiful morning too . . . sunshine and all.  We went about 3 miles or so and came home.  My batteries a bit more charged.

Knowing Justin did have to put some hours in at work I didn’t want to bug him about going to the park or anything but it slipped anyway and he immediately agreed.  We packed Toby’s big wheel and the stroller and headed to Minto Brown Park . . . paved bike paths galore!!  Justin was teaching Tobias how to peddle the big wheel and when that got old . . . which, with a three year old, doesn’t take very long . . . played on the playground and then walked down to the dog park to let Bonko Byron run his energetic butt off. All with thick rain clouds intermixed with bright blue and sunshine . . . gorgeous and one of my favorite types of weather. Gotta compromise straight sunshine here in the Western bit of Oregon, eh.

You guessed it, I forgot my camera . . . again. But thats alright, I enjoyed myself so much that I would have forgotten it was there anyway.

Oh yeah, I got a card too . . . so funny . . . so Justin’s humor and it made it that much more special; and the one-of-a-kind Toby art drawn inside. Love it!

Words that describe how I feel about motherhood, in my severely limited experience:

*Love

*Fulfilling

*Protective

*Unconditional

*Sacrificial

*Overwhelming

*Challenging

*Commitment

*Insecure

*Secure

*Lonely

*Busy

*Tiring

*Worry

*Prayerful

*Hope

*Snuggle

Most of all I wanna be the best mom I can be to both my boys . . . as different as they are, I want them to come to their full potential; not in the world’s standards, but their full potential in what God has for them.  That their lives be full of the fruits of spirit because of their personal relationship with the one true God . . . spilling over into every part of their existence. And that they have confidence, not in and of themselves, but confidence in the one who ultimately created them and know His love and truth are secure no matter what happens in their natural world.

Again, this is July of 2007 . . . the boys were: Tobias 27 months and Samuel 10 months . . . give or take a few weeks. Oh yeah, and thats me, tanned from summer sun. Love that summer sun. I think Tobias was trying to get down and push Sam away at the same time; quite the feat.  And Sam was glaring or something at Tobias. hee hee . . . they were both squirming, I remember that.

So I have many friends and family that take on the same challenges, and more, in mothering their children . . . I want to wish you all a  Happy Mother’s Day and I hope your day was as full of peace and love!!

God Bless!

I’ve kind of, sort of, set this week apart, writing wise, for Tobias.  He turns 3 years old April 11th . . . Friday; geez, where has time gone?!  I’m going to wear that “where has time gone?” statement out . . . better think of about 20 more as he gets older each year, be a bummer to use the same statement every year. When he’s 40, I’ll be like “holy macrel, and I thought I was old!” . . . of course I will be almost 70 years old at that time. ha ha.

When I visit my parents that live several states away and my brothers, that live in the area, are hanging out as well . . . it hits home that my boys will eventually grow up to be men.  I’m not sure why it took me nearly 2 years into this to figure that out, but it did. The do not stay little boys, they grow to be giant men with dreams, personalities, hang-ups, passions, and faith of their own. I say giant because my brother Bill is 6′6″ and my other two bro’s are over 6′2″ . . . so it feels like they are gigantic.  I never thought that when I lived at home; my dad is 6′4″, so it runs in the old family line, but now I’m married to a man 5′10″ (average height), they seem huge.  I hug my bro, Billy, and my face barely comes to his chest height . . . um, weird.  I’m 5′10″, so I ain’t a shorty. His wife is 5′1″ or so, funny but their personalities are definite matches!

Anyway, some days I try to imagine what Tobias will look like and be like as he gets older.  And then my mind tends to wander back over how my brothers were as we grew up.  I was older than all of them, by only 2 years older than Billy though. They are just so different, except Jon, than I would have thought when they were kids; self-centered, whiny, wrestling-happy, and mean (we were siblings, they like to poke fun) little boys.  Now Billy is a welder in Nevada, mellow, hard working and fun to boot; no fun being poked my way at all! Jon is a dramatic, social, easy going and a stand up comedian (no matter who is around or where you are), Joshua is passionate about skateboarding . . . and he’s good at, easy going, quick to smile and laugh, loves his nephews, and tends to enjoy life; he’s exactly 10 years younger . . . thats the only way I keep his age straight. Otherwise I picture him as an awkward 13 year old all the time.  All three are handsome and well-rounded . . . they have my rock of a dad and my loving and supportive mom to thank for that.

So I watched them morph into the adults they are now.  I see how my parents loved them no matter the freak music they decided they loved, or the hairstyle they decided to sport, or the piercings, or the clothing, or the bad decisions made along the way . . .there was correction, don’t get me wrong, but their love was never ever ever doubted.  I experienced the same with my parents.  “Gentle but strong” . . . a saying that all the horse people I ever knew or rode with said many a time.  And I do think it applies to parenting as well.

You cannot love your child and omit discipline . . . you love your child, you will discipline . . . because you care where your child will end up 1 year, 2 years, 20 years down the road . . . true love cares for more than what feels good right now, or shuts them up right now . . . it cares for their very soul’s condition and their spirit.

There are so many parallels in parenting and our relationship with God, and the above is one . . . your Heavenly Father loves you, therefor HE will discipline . . . HE loves you too much to let the things that keep you from him continue.  Thats how you know the love of God is for you.

Wow, what a wondering post, sorry.  I’m just enthralled with the ‘growing up’ process of my boys right now. Tobias is looking less “baby” everyday and I’m caught off guard by his continuous flow of words and expressions . . . words and expression I actually understand immediately!

I thank God for the opportunity to have birthed Tobias and raise him the best I can under God’s grace and direction . . . I’m humbled daily by my role in life right now and I pray I can be even more humble and allow God to just have HIS way in my kids . . . talk about an awesome character to pass on . . . But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law -Galations 5:22-23

God Bless!

My youngest brother, Joshua, showing Tobias how to skateboard last February . . . too cute! T loves his uncles!

I point out the flowers to Tobias on a regular basis.  He likes to pick the flowers and carry them with him until they resemble nothing of their former glory. Obviously its not flowers out of meticulously preened flower beds that I allow the pickings to occur . . . its the Dandelions and other wild flower types that his chubby, nearly 3 year old, hand pulls up. He will repeat the word flower many times and by then end of most walks he has quite the smooshed, orange and green, bouquet forming in his warm palm.

His favorite of all, though, is the Dandelion after its gone to seed . . . known familiarly as the wish flower . . . blow the cotton-like seeds into the air as you make wish.  He loves blowing off all the feathery seeds.  It took some convincing he didn’t need to blow on every flower, wish flower or not, that he picked . . . though I’m not sure why I’m driven to correct him in his imaginings . . . so dull we adults can be.

This coming Friday, April 11th, marks three years that . . . THREE years, I gave birth to Tobias via induction.  I had a pretty severe case of preeclampsia and the doctor was worried about me keeling over in the midst of the going ons of my life. Yeah, that’d be bad, I suppose. Anyhoo . . . induced I was and 6 hours later I saw Tobias for the first time . . . though not for long as he was wheeled away to the NICU due to oxygen saturation levels being in the red.

Ok, I will write about Tobias, the birth and raising for the past three years, all week.

I wrote to mention this.

Hence the reason for the heading on my blog . . . its a wish flower, if you couldn’t tell by my crop and resizing job.

Tobias’ favorite.

New momma . . . I had no idea what lay in store for me.  I praise God He kept me and my boys under HIS grace . . . and HE still does!!  

Before Byron, the crazy Jack Russell . . . there was Monti. He was a Neapolitan Mastiff (Italian Mastiff). I bought him cheap from a backyard breeder when I was 19 years old.  He went through so much with me . . . that span of time is where I changed the most and he was there.  He was unconditional in his love and devotion and I L.O.V.E.D that 140 lb mass of black hair and drool . . . more than I thought you could love a dog.  I did what I could for him . . . when his elbows went out in his back legs . . . surgery was required and my saddle was sold to cover it . . . he was only 2 years old at the time.  Pain meds were required periodically his whole life for arthritis and recurring bone an joint problems. I think there were a total of 3 surgeries in his short life span. But its pneumonia that took him out at 8 years old. That he contracted by coming to work with me at the animal shelter; hanging out in the office while I did paperwork. Kennel cough turned into pneumonia due to a compromised immune system.  When all the treatments the vet had up his sleeve didn’t work . . . I had to make the difficult but inevitable decision to put him down humanely. I sat with him, I cried a lot! I actually cried for weeks, with no warning, just burst into tears.  I had found out I was pregnant with Tobias a month before I lost my prized pet and my friend. Strange how life functions sometimes.

His ashes are still with me . . . hey, I never claimed I was sane. I’ve thought about spreading them at the dog park that we frequented  his entire life . . . where he would have killed and eaten the small, rat sized, dogs if he could only move fast enough . . . but quick was not one of his attributes. Thank goodness!  Unfortunatley some of the possums dumb enough to enter our backyard met their fate . . . thats what they get for playing dead . . . or being dumb, whatever. :)  I heard somewhere Opossums average life span is 1 year . . . hmmm . . . I don’t think that ‘playing dead’ thing is workin’ all that well.

I’ve already decided that a Mastiff of my own is in my future . . . as soon as we’re more settled (hopefully in our own home).  I’m debating on the English and another Neo . . . we’ll see, I’ve gotta few years to figure it out.

Here’s to Monti . . . the wonder dog!

I have been sick with a stomach virus for two days . . . I won’t go any further than that because you will upchuck in your mouth a little at the description and I just don’t want to cause any horribly bad breath out there.

But I do have to say that it has made me so sleepy . . . I believe the title of this very post describes how I feel from the time I rise in the morning, until my head hits the pillow at night.

I don’t have a fever, I don’t have a headache, I don’t have any sinus thingy going on . . . no, there is no other sign that I am a sicky, except the constant churning of my lower intestines . . . I’m sorry if that was too much . . . I will pause so you can go brush your teeth. . . . the other sign being that I just want to sleeeeeep!

I behaved badly today and decided to sit upon my couch (throne) and, for the most part, allowed Justin to take over my daily duties. Thats not to say that I didn’t change a load or two of wash or do a load or two of dishes . . . but he did chase the kiddos around a bit more than me and deep cleaned the old kitchen . . . which needed it severely. So, to my fantastic hubby . . . Thank You!!

Ok, that is really all thats new in the land of Tuckerville. Not a whole lot happening.

Oooh, I do have to say that God has truly provided for us to continue here in Salem . . . finances got super sticky there for a bit but I see a teeny tiny light at the end of the tunnel . . . so we will make it! Thank you, Jesus!

My sister also sent me newborn pics of Samuel . . . yes, a bit overdue but I was one overwhelmed Momma there for the first year of Sam’s little life . . . Tobias was only 17 months when Samuel was born . . . so I had my hands full. So I’ve just now managed to extract photos from my sisters regarding their time spent in the delivery room on September 12, 2006. I included a few of them below. I cried when I was looking through them . . . but, if you know me, that really doesn’t take much.

Pictures are powerful things . . . such emotions come flooding back with even the sight of these! Such a healthy and happy baby . . . so quiet. If you knew Tobias when he was a baby . . . he was a bit colicky the first 3 months and has been my loud and passionette one since. Samuel, he’s mellow yellow . . . my contemplative one . . . and such a cuddle bug. They are so different but yet I love them equally . . . to the top of my very love-meter.

God Bless!

#4

You’re in the next room with a wet dog running all over my bedroom from bath time. My favorite . . . not really.

Anyhoo, #4 . . . wow, getting close to the super date!!

I have to say for number 4 is one that I had the hardest time appreciating . . . and at times, still do.  But its when you are taking your lead as the head of this house that peace reigns.  You are highly sensitive to me and my needs but its the final say that, if I allow, brings rest to my very soul.  I know this is a sticky subject with pretty much any woman on the planet but between you and I  and in this relationship, I appreciate and admire you being the lead of this house . . . the head of the household.

I love you and the God-strength inside of you!

Ok, this has little or nothing to do with the above anniversary countdown message . . . but I ran across this newby pic of Samuel and I just had to share!! 

#16

Your high energy and amazing drive make me nuts some times but its also one of the things that drew me to you.  I couldn’t believe you acquired your pilots license at the age of 16, before you could even drive a car legally.  I immediately noticed the kayak gracing one wall of your studio apartment the month I met you . . . and found you even used it regularly.  You first valentines gift to me was a scuba diving course, so I could accompany you scuba diving.  I believe you were mountain biking the weekend a rose and cute stuffed bear were left for me to find . . . thats when you officially asked me out. You’ve put the same energy into firefighting and EMT work at school, thus the reason for your marked success in the program.

I admire this attribute in you. I wish I had half the drive . . . the things I could accomplish. :)  But perhaps I’m here to level you out a bit; what do ya think?

Hubby, his pants are actually his dry suit, the top half hanging like farmer’s overall straps. :)  He’s ready to scuba dive and its still a 2 hour drive to the ocean . . . at 6am.  Um, the things I agree to.  And yes, Samuel (at 6 months) and Tobias (at 2 years old) are in their car-seats behind me, happily munching their breakfast.

#22

I don’t know if you do this on purpose or if its just something built in since childhood, but you will buy me presents, do beautifully thoughtful things for me, take me out, go for drives, and just plain be wonderfully considerate . . . . but rarely will this happen on a marked day, holiday or event. I will come directly out of the blue and unforeseen. If I expect it in any way I can almost guarantee it will not be  . .

. but the many times a gigantic bouquet of flowers has graced my dining room table its been for no apparent reason; other than you love me.

So that is number 22 on this goofy countdown . . . your thoughtfulness, no matter how random, does not go unnoticed but it is appreciated and I love that about you!!

One of the millions of flowers my loving hubby has purchased me over the years.  I just happened to capture this one on a memory card.  There was no reason for this particular bouquet, as usual.

I just hung up (from talking on the phone) with my dad.  He has quadruple bypass surgery scheduled tomorrow morning, 7:30am.  I try to encourage and abate fears and generally just be a supporting daughter but in the back of my mind is a nagging thought as I say ‘I love you, I’m praying for you . . . ok, bye and goodnight dad,” that it is so insignificant to what he’s about to endure . . . and of course my morbid minds thinks ‘what if this is the last ‘goodbye dad’?  When a surgical procedure requires the doctors to stop your heart and then restart your heart it freaks me out a bit . . . not to mention all the other stuff they do during.  I’ve only had one surgical procedure and that was having my galbladder removed after T was born, 6 months after . . . yeah, thats not even in comparison to what my dad faces tomorrow and for the next 2 - 3 months of complete healing.  Waking up to the pain was the worst thing I have ever experienced and it wasn’t invasive surgery . . . I can’t remember what they call it. So my heart and mind rest with my dad tonight as he attempts to get as much sleep as possible. My prayers are for him every minute.

My dad has always held a high place in my heart and always will. I’m getting mushy but I can’t help it. I also told myself I wasn’t going to blog as much cuz I talk too much but here I am again . . . addictive this thing is!  He’s held a high place in my heart, even after realizing, around the time I was 24 or so, that he was, indeed human . . . not God . . . I held deep respect for him and a new found love for my God . . . One that loves and uses people for HIS good and perfect will that aren’t perfect, just humble under HIM. Its called grace.

Thank you, God, for an amazing and steadfast dad that loved me and encouraged me to be me . . . even if he didn’t understand me, I never knew that.  He went horseback riding with me, he encouraged me to seek God in all things, he loved my mom passionately, he was selfless in so many ways! God bless my dad in this time of anxiety and allow him to get a full night’s rest for the procedure tomorrow . . . allow for a perfect work, quick healing and recovery . . . and, above all, grace to handle it and your presence to endure. Thank you Jesus!

And of course, I owe the honor of my severe caffeine addiction to the one who raised me . . . my dad.  I worked with him when I was about 19-ish, which required us to drive to the coast (a 2 hour trip, one way) and lattes and mochas were purchased daily, every morning . . . butt-crack of dawn, as we’d say.  I slowly converted to black coffee and that is what I now prefer . . . every stinkin’ day! Coffee gooooood

This is my dad hanging out in his living room in Henderson, NV . . . he would probably irked if he knew I used this picture, its not a great pic of him . . . he’s actually quite handsome . . . but the coffee cup is such a fixture in our family.  I believe we all drink the black bitter goodness.