Mother Tucker

I’m struggling with what God has me here for today.  Struggling with notions of what my soul desires and what my spirit desires. I know I’m not alone in this struggle.  With feelings of being isolated from church and fam, I have become more lackadaisical about my daily devotion and for that I pay dearly . . .  therefor my boys pay and my husband pays. When will I come to the conclusion my purpose, right now, in this chapter of life, is to raise these two babies to know that there is a righteous, completely loving and merciful God . . . full of truth and wisdom . . . waiting to be their personal  Saviour!? If God so chooses not to use me for a single reason, beyond that, it should be fine with my soul. What a calling . . . larger than life. These two could grow to be fervently in love with Jesus and serve HIM in capacities I’m unable, for whatever reason.  May my faults not slow down the process of my God in their little lives. Put a guard on my mouth and wisdom in my heart to deal with the daily, small things that crop up, Jesus.  The call and commission of my God should be the only thing that matters . . . not anything of soulish nature but God!

“But none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto myself.” -Acts 20:24

It is easier to serve God without a vision, easier to work for God without a call, because then you are not bothered by what God requires; common sense is your guide, veneered over with Christian sentiment.  You will be more prosperous and successful, more leisure-hearted, if you never realize the call of God.  But if once you receive a commission from Jesus Christ, the memory of what God wants will always come like a goad; you will no longer be able to work for Him on the common-sense basis.

What do I really count dear? If I have not been gripped by Jesus Christ, I will count service dear, time given to God dear, my life dear unto myself.  Paul says he counted his life dear only in order that he might fulfill the ministry he had received; he refused to use his energy for any other thing.  Acts 20:24 states Paul’s almost sublime annoyance at being asked to consider himself; he was absolutely indifferent to any consideration other than that of fulfilling the ministry he had received.  Practical work may be a competitor against abandonment to God, because practical work is based on this argument — Remember how useful you are here, or — Think how much value you would be in that particular type of work.  That attitude does not put Jesus Christ as the Guide as to where we should go, but our judgment as to where we are of most use.  Never consider whether you are of use; but ever consider that you are not your own but HIS.

“Utmost For His Highest” by Oswald Chambers

I worry pretty consistently whether I’m of any use or value in this life.  Worried that I’m giving enough and receiving enough day in and day out.  When my focus should be on the almighty and loving Saviour and what His commission for me is today. My intimacy with HIM should be the most important thing because its in that place of hanging out in HIS presence that I gain a clear understanding and a clear picture of what He’s up to for that day in my life.

I know I’m not the only one, like I said before, that struggles with this, so I hope this proves helpful for someone. Overall, I gotta learn how to become completely abandoned to God and thats what it boils down to.  The spirit is so willing but the flesh is weak. So today I choose the cross again.

God Bless!!