Mother Tucker

Prior to moving to Salem we lived in a house on a good sized lot, fenced, manicured lawn . . . nice little place. Tobias loved playing outside in the yard and the dog enjoyed being off leash; both able to move about freely. We decided Justin had hit the dead-end part of a dead end job; mill work was not his favorite either. The school here in Salem has one of the best fire suppression and EMT programs in the area, so here we are. To get through this time of financial lack we are renting an apartment. This has been a change for all involved, obviously and God’s grace is sufficient . . . just so thats clear.

Our apartment has a patio. It is good sized, I suppose; I haven’t really lived in too many apartments, and none with patios. But its outside and its paved and it has wall of lattice so the monsters can’t escape. And to their great enjoyment, we house our 3 ice chests out there, which make great climbing obstacles and tables to play.

As the weather warms I’m more and more grateful for our little patio. I leave the sliding glass door open for fresh air to enter and the boys run in and out . . . leaving trails of dirt (not sure where the dirt comes from since I sweep the patio daily) for mom to vacuum.

But the patio experience also makes me miss my yard, my great big yard with my flower beds and green grass. MY yard, not sharing the grassy slopes with anyone else. Selfish thought for the day . . . or for the minute, whatever. But I also remind myself that because of what the fam endures today, tomorrow we will actually OWN our own yard and house (God willing) and to just lay low, that it will pay off in the end.

Sam in front of the sliding glass door . . . T is heading outside . . . again.

Samuel, on top of his mountain . . . it was quite the feat, that climbing bit. He’s not on the tall side for his age. Oh, and ignore the bare patio . . . many plants to come . . . and slowly more toys are finding a home out there as well.

#27 on the countdown to our anniversary.

Eyes

My favorite food of all time, for all time, is chocolate. My favorite drink of all time, for all time, is coffee with cream (a bit of sugar). And my favorite pair of eyes of all times, for all times, set into a rugged and beautiful face, are yours; the same rich, deep warm brown. Eyes full of the concerns of life but I watch as the waters of concern part to reveal love, passion and faithfulness . . . towards me and our small family. I’ve witnessed laughter, fear, sadness, anger, sleepiness, determination and, most of all, love fill and brim those very eyes.

They say eyes are the window to the soul . . . if that’s the case you’ve got a soul made of chocolate coffee and I likey the chocolate coffee!!

We’re dorks, if you haven’t noticed. How long can someone own a hat? Hmm.

I had an appointment for the boys this morning, just a regular check up appointment.  But for some God-forsaken reason I made it for buttcrack of dawn time slot . . . ok, not so much . . . 8:30am.

But to pull off being somewhere, across town, by 8:30am I had to proceed to pull myself from my nice warm blankies by 6:30am . . . and that’s pushing the time frame. I gotta have time to get a cup of coffee (at least) into my system before steering a vehicular with my precious bundles inside.

So that’s how our morning started. We ate breakfast on the road cuz apparently we were out of fast food breakfast (i.e. cold cereal, bread for toast, etc) so chocolate milk and sugar cookies held us over until we got home. Ok, that’s a really bad breakfast . . . even a stupid-head like myself knows that.

But to furnish breakfast when we got home, we had to do a store run.  We were, miraculously at the check up appt. for an hour . . . an hour, mostly waiting . . . for something that was scheduled. grrr. Anyhoo, got to WalMart Superstore . . . gotta love it.  I do love cheap prices, hence the reason we go there. Got the bare essentials for a decent breakfast . . . well now a brunch cuz by the time we unloaded the car it was 10:20am and finally ate a nice, well-balanced meal.  Though I think they had filled up on sugar cookies cuz the breakfast was, for the most part, ignored.

Man, the words . . . I’m so wordy.  Anyhoody, I wrote this to say that we don’t go many places.  We are super duper poor right now, which is fine cuz my husband is doing swimmingly at school and he’ll do even better as a fireman once he has graduated with his paramedic and fire suppression degrees . . . so suck it up, I will!! But we only use the one car and he usually has it.  The boys and I do go places, when the weather cooperates, using the trusty double stroller and some good old leg action; we’re blessed to be by a busy commercial district. That’s nicely put.

The boys . . . thats what I want to write about . . . back to the subject at hand . . . see post ‘Dysfunction of Sorts’ to understand me better. 

Tobias and Samuel (Samuel was mostly feeding off T’s excitement) were both so excited to be going on a car ride. The whole ritual of finding cute clothes, watching me put their socks and shoes on . . . packing the diaper bag/’bring lots of clothes cuz Toby is being potty trained’ bag . . . their little sippy cups, diapers for Sam (and T if the need arises), snacks (sugar cookies . . . yeah, major grocery store run in the works), blankets and coats.  I think I covered it . . . too exhilerating . . . reading the contents of a woman’s diaper bag.

So excited they were!! Too bad they just got measured, weighed and other fun check-up stuff and a jaunt around Wally World . . . but they enjoyed their outing today.  And they loved the car ride.  You should have heard Tobias go on and on about the ‘Yig Trucks’ (translated Big Trucks) and the jps (jeep wranglers . . . not sure where this obsession came from . . . I’m personally not a fan of the warmed over redneck vehicle myself) and cooool cars (speaks for itself) and mtrsickles (motorcycles) . . . Ah, I’m sure there’s more but I will cut your boredom short a bit. Sorry about that. When we go on walks he sees many many vehicles and things but apparently they are much more interesting out a car window.

We then proceeded to take naps . . . I mean the boys took their naps . . . and then spent every waking second outdoors afterwards cuz the sun was shining and it was warm . . . 60 degrees or so warm! Nice!! A walk is good for all involved!!

So, that was my day . . . not so much going on.  I feel like I’m just hanging out waiting for something to happen . . . all the time. Its weird.  I’m usually a busy sort and find it very hard sometimes to deal with the circumstances at hand . . . but by God’s grace I’m doing, somewhere between Ok and good. Sometimes not so ok, but that’s rare nowadays.

God Bless!!

Ok, a picture is worth a thousand words. I’ll try to keep it under 500. The dog, as much as he is adored, he is loathed . . . I don’t know why I can’t come to love him fully . . . perhaps it is because he is my sole responsibility and no one else’s . . . even the hubby that really really really wanted a Jack Russell! Who wants a Jack? But he does amazingly well with the chitlins and doesn’t poop or pee (for the most part) on my floor, so he’s a keeper.  …that, and he’s indestructible. Its the only Jack we’ll ever get (which works fine cuz they average like 18 year life spans). This car ride took place about 4 weeks ago and we were coming home from church . . . note the shoe-less wonder (T), his pinkies peeking above the front seat. :)  The only thing missing is the treats and the juice . . . both seem to flow a bit freer when we’re on car rides; possible reason for car ride fanaticism.

#28

Sensitive and Caring

As strong as you are, you still possess a compassion towards myself and the boys . . . as well as others . . . that confounds me at times. I have a bad habit of assuming that you’ll take the hard-nosed route in life and towards me . . . without mercy . . . but you prove me wrong time and again. You reassure me daily of your devotion and love and I couldn’t ask for more from you.  Sensitive is the word that sums up your personality towards me.  As much bull as I hand you, you come back with love and kindness. Its a God-talent you have and for that I am grateful to our maker!

I’m in love with you and for good reason!!

Hubby and Tobias . . . hand and hand. 

My dad’s surgery went fantastic, for all who are interested.  He also has began to heal quickly.  The doctor warned him he would, most likely, be in the hospital for about week afterwards to begin the 3, or so, months of regaining strength and stamina.

God is good, as we all know . . . all the time.  But prayer works and my dad is already home . . . as of yesterday!! 4 days, folks . . . 2-3 days sooner than expected!!  He says he feels fantastic and was pleasantly surprised that there wasn’t as much pain as originally communicated by docs and nurses.

I give honor to God, cuz I know better.  Thank you so much, everyone, for your prayers and support!!  Please keep doing so for quick and complete recovery!

God Bless!!!

We have electric wall heat in the apartment that we reside. Yeah, you guessed it, fun stuff that is!

Anyway after the first two chilly nights, this past fall, that I attempted to set Toby’s heater with the thermostat I was awoken by 2am to pretty disturbed crying in the room next to ours. Much like a slug, I removed myself slowly from bed and down and around the hall to Tobias’ room.  Upon opening the door the air within his room gushed out, revealing how hot, approximately 80 - 90 degrees, it had gotten. Ok, lesson learned . . . thermostats on wall heaters . . . at least ours . . . don’t work, necessarily.  So, since that incident, I leave his heater completely off at night . . . no worries, he’s got plenty of blankets, even a sleeping bag to curl under for warmth.  He doesn’t complain, so I haven’t worried.

Samuel on the other hand, his thermostat was working decently. I left it alone, set at one temperature . . . afraid to mess it up for night time, it remained that temp all day, all the time; to the disapproval of the hubby.

So, I didn’t think anything about the heater when I laid Sam down last night.  I woke up once during the night as though I had dreamed one of my kids was crying. I listened for a long time (a whole minute or two) before drifting back into sleep . . . not hearing a peep from the other rooms.

This morning the kids woke us bright and early around 7am. Justin and I lingered in bed, mostly dozing in and out for a bit and then we got to talking.  The boys sounded like they were happily playing, though I heard a screech from Sam’s room a couple of times.  Justin is rarely home in the morning to just wake up to . . . so I was in no hurry.

Oh, hold back the critism and judgment.  The guilt was lathered nice and thick when we opened Sam’s door to get him out of bed . . . an hour after I initially heard them wake up . . . to searing heat . . . like Mojave Desert.  UGH! Stupid heaters! His little cheeks were pink and I could tell he hadn’t slept well.

I am extremely sensitive to noises in the night . . . especially when it comes to my boys . . . and, except for the one time (which I thought was a dream), I heard not a peep.

I almost cried with guilt and angst over knowing he had suffered a uncomfortable night in the heat of the Sahara.

We went about our morning . . . after Sam gulped down over a cup of water and I apologized like a million times.  He enjoyed his pancakes. We hung out, said good bye to dad as he left for school and played on the patio . . . refilling his water every time I saw it empty.

I sat them up, a little early, for lunch at 11:15am.  They stared at their sandwhich but started in on the crackers.  I headed back for the dryer to fold clothes. I took about 5 minutes, walked back into the dining area and Sam was full out asleep in the highchair.   Tobias looked like he was headed that direction, so I managed to get them down for naps by 11:40 . . . earlier than usual.

And yes, the heaters are off.

#29

Your stature is not amazingly tall . . . but your shoulders are broad and strong; one of the first things I noticed about you and I still admire in your physique! I don’t doubt the protection and strength hidden in those shoulders and I don’t take for granted the amount of weight they carry on a daily basis. I just pray God keeps providing strength and tenacity of spirit to withstand the weight the world puts on your shoulders! Know that I stand next to you to support the tired tendons and strained muscles . . . and hopefully I’m wise not to add weight to it; God help me.

Hubby and Tobias last Spring at the beach in Oregon. Look at that hot fireman of a husband!!! Ok, no more looking, he’s mine!!

#30.

So many things to choose from that I adore about you.

Quiet but strong.

One of the reasons I was drawn to you in the beginning was the self-confident quiet but strong nature you possessed . . . bringing my wing-bat nature into control just by being present. That has never diminished during the past 6 years. Whether I am screaming and whining about some perceived injustice or just goofy with my silly but loud self . . . you remain calm . . . an anchor in the storm of our lives. I know God had a plan putting us together, more than either of us are aware . . . but this is a trait in you I will always always be grateful for!!

Father and Son

Hubby had/has shift today . . . still there.  24 hours for those of you who don’t pay attention to all my posts here in Tuckerville. That’s how long his shift at the firehouse lasts, 24 hours.

Hubby has always always been a work-a-holic, it doesn’t take extreme 26 credit hours at school and a mandatory rotating 24 hour shift to create a whole day or two of not seeing his smiling or half asleep face.  He worked swing shift at a mill and a second job during the day prior to us ‘moving forward’ in life.  He works a lot and he’s a hard worker on top of it . . . not just hanging out for free donuts and coffee.

Today he has been at it since 5am and I’m sitting on this thing at 9:30pm wishing he were here to share the evening hours with.

I married him cuz I liked him  . . .  and loved him . . . but I really liked him; his personality, his wit, his sense of humor that could easily be overlooked because of his quiet nature and his sensitive and caring self. And, yeah, I complain about being isolated, but I miss . . . tonight . . . my hubby.  I’m sure he’s helping some dude in a car accident off Lancaster or helping a beyond morbidly obese person out of their bathroom after getting stuck taking a crap . . . but he’s loving the challenge and the hope of a better future for our family.

Sooooo, I will suck it up . . . trust God, as I’ve spoken of a lot recently, and make the best of it.  And when he is actually here to hang with, watching my attitude so he stays awake for a few extra minutes . . . just to be together.

My thoughts and prayers are with my hubby this evening. God speed!

God Bless!

Hubby and Tobias, playing soccer at the track where my husband attends school and in view of the training tower at the firehouse.  1/’08

Communication. I know you wouldn’t guess, by how much I write here, that I’m not a good communicator . . . but that’s also why I write so often on my blog. I write when my day slows enough for me to empty thoughts that would otherwise go unrecognized. I am absolutely horrible about calling people, making dates and keeping them, and just plain contacting people that I love. Out of sight, out of mind is very much how my brain functions. I’m not proud of this. Some of the most important relationships get overlooked because I’m blind to maintaining them. And when I finally do get to meet and hang out with my friends (the ones that will still claim me) I find my line of thought and conversation differs from most.

I inherited this Conversation Dysfunction gene from father. He is the same way. Love ya, dad, but this is neither of our strong suites! So he’s going on 62 this year and, if anything, the phenomenon of C-D (Conversation Dysfunction) is getting stronger . . . so I’m not sure there is much hope for me.

I love beautiful weather . . . just this morning the boys and I got out into the sunshine . . . and oh boy, it was nice . . . fresh air . . . what? Oh, what was I talking about again? Crap. Oh yeah, the recessive C-D gene . . . back to it

One other sign of having the genetic disorder is that, while having a regular conversation with someone, on a subject both of you are interested, you will suddenly interject something random that, either comes to mind or that you see out the vehicle window or crack a joke that really doesn’t have anything to do with what you are discussing. You will know the interjected phrase/joke was improper due to the awkward silence and quizzical look of the 2nd party. The subject of conversation is interrupted, most of the time, so badly that it is forgotten and minutes later a completely different subject matter will come up . . . sometimes following the lead of the C-D random thought.

The only time I am not aware, so much, of the C-D is when I’m hanging with family. I believe this is so because we all, for one are carrying the dysfunctional gene, and for two we are so used to C-D we can’t even pinpoint when it happens. Subjects of conversation change on a dime and no one gets too invested in a subject matter to avoid feeling hurt when someone mentions how funny the news cast lady looks with her new hair do . . . as though they are oblivious to the passion on which you referred to the plight of starving children in Ethiopia.

We are not an uncaring bunch, we are just suffering from C-D. So if you are getting to know any of us, my blood relations, just be aware of what you are dealing with. Be fully alert for sudden subject changes in conversation and random thoughts . . . oh and the distraction due to shiny objects will make us completely forget what we are talking about and, yet, change subjects again. Just gently lead us back to the subject at hand, as though we are ’special people’ and we then will happily talk, yet again, of whatever was the conversation topic.

This is frustrating at times, I know, just be patient with us.

God Bless!