I forget the last time I wrote . . . maybe I should’ve checked that out before rambling or repeating myself. 
Oh well. I’m lazy.
A month ago Justin bought me hanging baskets. HUGE ones. Two Lotus and two Fuschias. Someday I’ll share photos. 
I’ve missed being able to play with my photos and post them. Anyhoo . . . those gorgeous flowers are in my line of vision right now and they make me smile . . . and make me feel good. Sometimes I’m blown away at the love and companionship I’ve found in Justin. A big dorky dork like myself finding someone that loves me unconditionally. He’s human, no worries, but he’s an incredible human. And he’s mine! See what flowers can do? hee hee.
I brought up the flowers for a reason. I did, really . . . besides making you puke with sentiment.
A Humming bird has made a regular appearance. Being drawn by the brightly colored blooms, no doubt. I have a Humming bird feeder but he’s not interested in that . . . just the flowers. The first time he came around . . . yeah, I decided at some point he was a he . . . not a she . . . anyhow, the first time he came around I was still watering and kept thinking “man, thats one big bee!!” . . . when I turned around it was the Hummingbird. Kinda cool . . . kinda old lady to think its cool . . . but I’m not young, so I guess that makes me oldish and so its ok if I think of having a Hummingbird friend as cool.
I also find myself doting over my flowering hanging plants . . . doting, perfect word. I dead-head them and fertilize and bug spray them . . . oh, I hope that doesn’t hurt the Hummingbird! . . . I hadn’t thought of that. Bug spray and Hummingbirds. Yikes. Hmm, I might not spray the next time.
Anyway . . . I might be getting old . . . thats really my only point, if I had a point to begin with . . . besides sharing about the Hummingbird.
Old, cuz guess who’s birthday is this next week? Ok, a lot people’s birthdays are this week . . . my sis, Amy . . . my bro, Billy . . . my hubby’s, Justin . . . one of my good friend’s, Kacy . . . I’m sure I’m forgetting someone I know. Well, Sunday, the last day of the loverly month of May is also my birthday. I get a new car for my birthday . . . just kidding, sorta.
I’ll be 29 . . .
. . . ok, I lied by 3 years.
To update any and all who care. Justin is at the paramedic program interview as I type. If all goes according to our grand plan, he’ll be starting that program in the fall. He did look snazzy walking out of here with his suit and tie on!! Hmm, yummy snazzy.
He’s been doing cooperative work experience at a Clackamas County fire station twice a week . . . thats been a new adjustment for us to deal with at the end half of a busy and stressful term. But, in the long haul, it’ll be very very good! Just trusting God with it all. Justin might pass out from exhaustion but we keep praying and trusting. Its not a paying position and it takes him nearly an hour to drive one way . . . did I mention he’s there twice a week? 24 hour shifts. Its draining having him gone so much . . . so he’s full time at school, part time work study and now cooperative work experience 48 hours a week (minus class time, if he’s got class the day of shift).
Well, that makes me feel lazy.
Maybe I’ll take a nap for him today . . . in his honor.
I gotta crack jokes or I crack up . . . don’t rightly care if anyone else laughs.
I plan to send Tobias to preschool this fall . . . shall I delve into all the insecurities that brings up? Yeah, I’ll spare ya.
But I think, overall, it’ll be really good for Tob. The school picks up right out here, in a small bus, and I can ride with him . . . Sam and I both can ride with him whenever and hang out in class with him whenever we want. That’ll be good, especially getting him adjusted at first.
I think I’m gonna stop talking about that for now.
I was given a bag full of books lately.
Ok, I was given a bag full of books this past week, cuz my closest Salemite friend moved to another town! My friend, Anne, the one who lived just a few doors down in our loverly apartment complex, moved. I am saddened and stuff by this upheaval. She better come visit me . . . and often! Her friendship has seen me through some of the most stressful times of my life. . . .I know she peeks in here every once in awhile . . .
Anyhow, I’ve been reading and reading and I forgot, sorta, how much I love to read. I had aspirations once to write a novel . . . or ten. I had binders and binders full of stories. Then our family home burned down and there went the binders of stories, not mention everything else we lost. hee hee, someday perhaps. I also wanted to be horse vet, a horse trainer, a rancher, a missionary to Uganda, and a bizillion other vocations. So . . . with a grain of salt, eh.
I still have dreams and as I get older they are tempered with reality but I think it is good to dream . . .
Maybe I will write a novel.
Boys are getting big. Sam will be 3 in September. Just a few short months off. But he’s nearly the same size as Tob. He weighs the same and wears the same size, except for the length in pants.
Tobias talks and talks. I love it. Well, I love everything but the bossiness.
I remember my brothers when we were younger. The bantering and the slight obsession with farts, burps and the like. I thought it was something they picked up later in life . . . caught on to my dad’s subtle jokes and figured that these normal bodily functions were comical in every way. Sometimes they turned into contests . . . but I’ll stop there.
My boys, as young as they are, think burps and farts are hilarious. This was, surprisingly, not egged on by yours truly. I don’t think twice about a 2 year old tooting . . . much less laugh about it. And burps are the same. But one will burp or toot and proceed with “ewww . . . thats gross!” and laughter will erupt. At the table I curb it, come one, we can’t be without manners . . . and away from the table, I don’t encourage it but I kinda laugh inwardly. It makes me nostalgic for my brothers . . . their bantering now isn’t nearly that innocent now, so I know to enjoy the innocence while it lasts.
So time keeps ticking. Life keeps rolling. And I’ve gotta do something besides sit on this thing.
God Bless!
Justin got an internship . . . I guess thats what you call it . . . with Clackamas County. So his first day was today, getting that old 24 hour shift revved back into gear. Thank you, Jesus, for the opportunities and favor!! I’ll tell the story of how that fell into place sometime . . . someday.
But not now.
My elder sister, Kelli, and her son, Braxton, picked myself and my boys up, for a coast trip. We crammed all of us into her snazzy sedan, our destination, Oregon Coast Aquarium.
We had gorgeous weather, 60 degrees + and sunshine, and happy tots. We had an amazing time catching up, laughing . . . which is something we do a lot of when we’re together . . . and watching the boys all play together, times I cherish living a distance from her and my other sis and her son.
We then ended up on Nye Beach in Newport, I think we were still in Newport. So very windy but still fun watching the boys play in the sand and climb the rocks.
We did get lots of photos, but on my sister’s camera . . . I’ll share some when I get them.
I was dreading spending today on my own . . . its been a long last few weeks with Justin so busy around mid-terms and starting up his paramedic intern thingy majig . . . and the thought of spending a weekend day without me hubby was not going over well . . . but, as always, God knows how much we can handle and our needs, wants and all the in between. Not to make it a selfish thing but I felt really blessed today!
I’m looking forward to having Aidrik the end of this week . . . Thursday – to Saturday morning. Thats my other nephew. Should be fun and stuff!
I’m also thinking of my selfless mother moreso this weekend . . . my inspiration and model to motherhood! So, Happy Mother’s Day, to those hard working and selfless women out there who keep on giving, even when we don’t feel like we can give another inch . . . by God’s grace we keep giving.
I’m using her ‘puter today . . . though her ‘puter is more like a ComPUter. Mine putted along so I called it a puter . . . but her’s does not put along so it is extraordinairy!
Uh, I have not idea why I needed to explain all that. But I’m grateful for her patience with me and allowing me to use it while the boys watch a video for a short bit.
So, nothing new really . . . except . . . um, yeah, nothing new.
Just wanted to pop on here and say “all is good in the land of the Tuckers”.
With extra time, without the use of my intronet . . . I have more time with myself, in which I end up reading and since I have no new books to read . . . I read the Bible. Ok, that should be the first choice, but sometimes it takes a little persuasion in my little world and my hard head . . . same place really, my world and head.
Good stuff.
God is good, that’s what I’m gonna say about that. Sometimes the ruts of life seem the very thing that saps me of my passion for Jesus . . . sometimes I have to upset those ruts, or God does, to get my attention back to where it belongs . . . focused right on God and His plan for our life.
Jesus’ sacrifice for me is something I have a hard time focusing on for any amount of time . . . its hard to swallow that someone loves me that much but, also the life given is hard for my finite human mind to wrap it’s selfish claws around really.
But the more I spend time in His presence the more the revelation of such can seep into my heart and I apparently really needed this. I get wrapped up in my little world and surviving each day and forget how blessed, how forgiven, how in love I really am with my Savior. And you know why I’m so in love with Him?? Because He is the only One who is truly good . . . the only true light . . . and truth. Not to mention the extravagant love He lavishes on those who choose to believe (in love) and recognize Him and His Word. Beautiful Savior . . . caring for the least of the world, forgiving the unforgivable, loving me . . . that can’t be easy. Among a million other reasons and aspects of His nature that I’ve seen and have yet to see.
So, that is what is going on in my puny mind this evening. That and eating strawberries and whip cream with the kiddos and my friend Anne while we crash her adobe.
Thank God for good friends!
Blessings on your week’s end!
Check out Psalm 31 while you’re reading this evening. Good stuff! He is my refuge when the waters of this life rise!
So, the death of the ‘puter is final. :( I am very sad about this. So I can and will use my husband’s lap top, when I can. It is his main source for school so it is not at my disposal a lot of the time.
Bummer.
It just happens to be a Saturday that he’s home and its here and he doesn’t need it for homework . . . though that could change any minute.
Nothing new here in the Tucker house.
Oh ,the other sucky thing is, is all my wonderfully wonderful photos are on my old ‘puter, so no posting of pics for awhile. That makes me sad . . . I know everyone depends on them for their well being.
So, like I was saying . . . nothing new here. Our van is slowly puttering out of service too and that is not good . . . since it is our only remaining vehicle. We’ll just have to trust God for the fundage to pay for a car we’re looking at . . . He knows the need.
Sometimes I remember that we only have a year left here. One year.
When we started this thing, it felt like 3 years was going to be an eternity . . . now 2 years have already swept by.
I’m hopefully signing Tob up for preschool in the fall . . . just the local head start until we can afford a Christian one. He desperately needs the social interaction, I think . . . and some structured learning time . . . since it has been made clear I am not great at that part.
Anyhoo . . . got the rest of the paperwork together for that just today. We still have to be accepted, so we’ll see.
I went jogging on my dodgy knee Thursday. No worse for wear, so I think I’m going to S L O W L Y start adding to that. Twice a week or something for awhile and then add a third day in there . . . until the knee is better. A knee brace of some sort will become part of my running garb. Fun. Yeah, not really.
But I gotta do something . . . weight gain is bad for me. Of course I have that metabolism that, if I look at a candy bar the wrong way, 5 lbs is added.
Just kidding, sorta.
Well, today is typical spring weather out . . . warm-ish with rain. hee hee. It is easily in the mid-60’s and raining.
I’m thinking I might need to get to the gym before the kids wake up . . . Justin is home, puttering about, so this might be my chance.
I’ll try to get on here once a week or so (more often, knowing me) and update on us. We’re exciting like that.
Blessings on your weekend and week to come!
The death has been slow . . . good days come and go, but the long-suffering amazed me in it’s plight to ward off the infections that so thwarted its aged and damaged drives.
Currently its resting.
Not totally dead . . . it still boots up but the browser for the internet does not function . . . just another aspect to go in this long battle of health for the desktop computer. Considering its about 5 times older than most of its kind, the death of necessary functions was expected but it still hurts.
I’m not sure if it’ll function fully again or not.
Either way, its time for a new one and to finally retire this one.
When that will actually happen?? Is unknown.
Here’s to my aged computer . . .
thanks for working so long despite the odds . . .
Amen
I was gonna write a rambly post about how annoyed I am that Justin is gone so much and how cranky my kids are cuz they don’t feel 100%. Cranky!
Anyhoo . . . but I erased it all as I attempted to bring truth into what I was whining about. And there was none . . . it was just annoyance because things and circumstances aren’t/weren’t catering to me and my whimsy.
Thats it.
God is good . . . no matter my emotion or how inadequate I feel or even how inadequate I am in the moment. He upholds me. I know I disobey and feel like I constantly have to be making things right.
But today . . . I choose not to bash myself over the head with all things I could do different . . . all the “what ifs” . . . all the insecurities that tend to keep my mind second guessing constantly.
I choose instead to lean on God. Rest in the knowledge He’s much bigger than my world and my viewpoint. I can’t give up . . . I gotta keep giving things to Him, no matter if I’m tired of staring at that sin again, its covered in His blood. I will attempt to be better, of course, but when I fail . . . when I slip up . . . even if days go by that I don’t get it right . . .
I have a Savior that loves me, that covers me in that love. I cannot put Him off or offend Him.
Why do I believe that His love wavers for me, but for everyone else, His love never fails?? It does not change for me . . . I believe His love never fails!! Never!
Human I am.
But He is God. A God that IS love! Not chooses to use love regularly . . . but IS the very nature of love.
1 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. 2If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. 3-7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.
* Sometimes its easier to sacrifice stuff, our time, our money and even ourselves . . . rather than love, keeping offenses hidden and not dealing with it; laying ourselves down for the least of these . . . but love is more important . . . the heart attitude is more important than the outer display of what we are . . . or what we would like other people to believe we are.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
* That is a description of God, to a degree. He is still God and demands reverance but His nature is love . . . He also knows His place.
8-10Love never dies (never fails, as some Bible versions put it). Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.
I can never be reminded too much of how little I really know. I need to quit putting so much time and worry into who I am . . . and start focusing on Who God is! The more I focus on Him, the less I worry about me and my niche in this life. I have been focusing WAY too much on me and mine, rather than my beautiful, loving God! And it shows in how I treat my family and those I come in contact with.
Funny how I don’t really see me as having all that much, if anything, to offer, yet I find myself so very important . . . a lot of times more important than God and His role in my family.
Hmmm, food for thought.
Happy Tuesday . . . its Tuesday, right? :0)
Particularly tulips . . . oceans of them!
I was in heaven!
The colors and the sky and everything . . . I could of taken millions and millions of photos.
Oh yeah, my family was there.
We had a good time hanging as a fam and just soaking in the beauty . . . and perhaps a bratwurst dog sandwich thingy
I even landed some more flowers! Yay, for flowers!!
Up close . . . one of the tulips in the bunch J gave me! So gorgeous! Might be more of those to come, eh.
And, of course there was much more to see than tulips.
Happy faces from the tots . . . as usual.
Thats it . . . its final. I want and need a live in chef / nutritionist / mother / locksmith . . . to lock the food away when need be, duh!
I love food. In general, really.
But since I’ve screwed up my knee . . . tendon, I’m assuming, since we’re on week 3 with no end in sight . . . and can’t run or even do biking or EFX machines without it throbbing, well, my appetite has grown. Its was bad before, but I was at least trying.
Nah, I’m not eating really baaad stuff, just lots of stuff. Doesn’t matter what you eat if you’re eating too much. Too many of anything could be bad, maybe not weight gain but bad. Gas can be pretty bad if you consume lots and lots of veggies.
Ok, that wasn’t my point.
Anyhooooo . . . kinda frustrated with myself and needed to vent.
I have been walking. Thats good right? I naturally walk pretty fast, so exercise it is. My knee complains for days after a long walk. Maybe I should just fork over the dough and see a doc about the knee. With J in school full time, insurance has not been an option, so it will be expensive. Ugh!
I don’t think I can justify it.
So, ice it, ibuprofin and stretching . . . keep at it. If its a stress fracture it’ll have to heal on its own anyway . . .
Just takes awhile.
In the meantime . . . someone take away my baked lays . . . they are pretty good with Pico de gallo though! mmm.
Happy weekend!!!
I had a great time visiting with my baby sister today! Much needed laughter and a dose of the Matthews’ (maiden name) randomness.
She’s gorgeous . . . I like to think we look alike.
One of my best friends . . . built right into the family unit . . . how convenient. I love my family . . . blessed am I!!
And then there’s Aidrik . . . he’s 2 years old in June! 2!
Anyhoo . . . it was a blast having them up! Thanks for making the drive, Tiff!
Justin finally had a few hours to pull away from his responsibilities at school and work to hang out. I missed him something terrible . . . and the feeling of just being together as family . . . so much needed!
Of course, one of the easiest and most pleasurable for all involved is to go by the park . . . the one with the ginormous dog area. Dog plays, kids play, mom and dad get to just be, as a family. Feeds the soul, it does.
Even Byron’s soul (uh, do dogs have souls?) gets fed a bit. Here he’s found a clone and is playing tug-a-war . . . his fav. Well, he’s got like 5 favorite things, but this ranks pretty high.
Here’s another critter that benefitted from our time out. He walked and ran the whole route . . . at least a mile loop. So did his brother.
Brothers . . . oh so glad that I am, that they have each other!
It had slowly gotten dark by the time we loaded up and headed out.
We grabbed ice cream on our way home . . . no photos of that, I was too busy indulging. That non-fat sweet cream ice cream at Cold Stone . . . not bad, not bad at all!! Mix in some chocolate candies and its still way less fat that normal. Especially at cold stone.
We didn’t even fully unload the van before we found this on the couch . . . we tired’em out!
By the way I got sunburned. Yeah . . . we walked . . . I told you about the loverly picnic, right?? Well, apparently my forearms were so white that they burned in the short 3 hour span of time. Um, thats not normal for me. But I wore a v-neck tshirt and I have this awesome red V on my neck/chest now. Cooool. Guess I should of slathered on the old sunblock too. Whitey that I am.
Have a great week’s end! Rain is predicted for here. Bummer.
